


money all on me (i'm a threat)

by clexaclub



Series: money all on me [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Happy Ending, I have had this idea in my head for too long, No one Major Dies, basically everyone is a badass, clarke is a hired killer, it sucked without lexa tbh, lincoln and octavia are in love, octavia is her mentor, sorry if there are mistakes but I wrote this as a short story with a hetero couple, sorry if you are confused for a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 30,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23171896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexaclub/pseuds/clexaclub
Summary: Clarke is a criminal who gets recruited by Nia and her company to kill for them. Octavia and Lincoln train and teach her their ways. Someone is trying to take Nia down from the outside. Someone who use to work for her...
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: money all on me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670359
Comments: 20
Kudos: 84





	1. Prologue - March 2019

With a black bandanna covering the lower half of her face, Clarke climbed the fire escape until reaching the top of the apartment complex. Her blonde, long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her blue eyes stood out against the dark fabric beneath them. Without the bandanna, she would be able to see her breathe in white wisps. It was chilling quickly as the sun went down. 

Thankfully, this job is supposed to be simple. One bullet through the heart would be enough take her target down just as it had all the others. Her sniper rifle snapped into place easily which was, hopefully, a reflection of the night ahead of her.

_Focus._

At any second, her target would cross the basement window and she would strike. Quick and easy, just as she was trained to do. She was, by now, as comfortable with long distance shooting as someone might be with a best friend.

She heard her friend's words as if she were standing over her shoulder. “Watch out for his bodyguard, Clarke,” she had warned two days ago in Italy. Clarke was not worried. The bodyguard would be easy to take down if she needed to. Hand-to-hand combat would, hopefully, not be needed tonight. Despite years of training, she is still better with a gun.

Clarke's heart beat fast, adrenaline now rushing through her veins, as she watched a woman in a long gown cross the window. The woman looked back at someone else in the room, speaking quickly. Clarke could make out her bulky diamond earrings through the scope of her rifle.

_The wife._

Clarke briefly imagined having that woman’s life. Spending months preparing for one night, rushing around the day of to ensure everything was perfect, schmoozing everyone as they entered her home, and still being judged. The woman must be unhappy with that life. Clarke swallowed feelings of guilt.

_No distractions._

A shadow, presumably a man, moved closer to the window. Her heart raced but her body was calm. Clarke peered through the scope. Seconds ticked by as she waited for the target to move into position. Her finger itched to squeeze the trigger.

Clarke’s breath hitched when she finally spotted him. A tall, handsome, classically attractive American man came into view. She mentally matched him to the pictures she had received just a few days ago. The man’s hand moved from his side to rest at the small of the woman’s back. Clarke was right about her being the wife.

The man dropped heavily just before Clarke pulled the trigger. It was so fast that she almost missed him falling to the ground. Clarke pulled back to see if it was her finger that pulled the trigger by some chance. A small hole had driven through the glass and killed him.

There was no way she did it again.

The bullet did not come from her gun and there was only one other person who knew she would be here tonight.

“Lexa,” she said through clenched teeth. Her earpiece crackled and she heard the faint sound of breathing. Clarke grinned.

Clarke pulled her rifle from the rooftop ledge and slid it back into her backpack. Her heart was hammering with fury. Her eyes scanned the nearby rooftops. After spotting her jumping down from a ledge and trying to flee, she took off down the fire escape again.

This time, Lexa would not get away.


	2. Chapter 1 - June 2015

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's first job...

Sweat rolled down Clarke’s back, under the loose tank top she wore, as her feet hit the treadmill slap belt over and over. She glanced at the security camera in the corner of the gym. It had become a habit to scope out every camera and security measure when arriving anywhere. Clarke had the ability to blend into any environment. The boss, Nia, had chosen her for this job instead of someone with more experience for two reasons; one, she needed to prove herself and, two, no one was better with locks than Clarke was.

“This is the perfect opportunity to prove you are worth training,” her boss said over the phone, her voice muffled. Clarke had only met the woman in person once. One time had been too many. The woman’s scarred face was one for children’s nightmares. “Or prove that you are worth dumping in the river.”

The task was simple: slip into the gym owner’s office, transfer personal files to a hard drive, and leave. Most of the jobs the boss accepted involved silencing someone. Murder was not needed this time which made it a perfect first job for Clarke. The man sent to train Clarke, Lincoln, had not wanted her to take this job. Not that she really had a choice. He said multiple times that she was not ready to go out on her own. Clarke understood his hesitation. After all, she was just a small-town thief given a second chance. Nia had made it clear that her talents were too good to waste. Even if Lincoln did not know her full story, he understood enough to have doubts.

Octavia, on the other hand, thought the exact opposite. She believed Clarke to be a natural with weapons. Rifles, handguns, throwing stars, glass bottles... Clarke could expertly use anything to injure or kill someone. Not that she had killed anyone yet. Octavia reminded her multiple times that it would happen soon whether she was ready or not. Their boss did not waste time and resources on someone who was not useful to her.

After thirty minutes of cardio, the gym owner finally left his office. He closed the door and walked over to the front desk. Clarke watched the man speak to a giggly, blushing young girl behind the front desk. Finally, he left through the parking lot double doors.

Clarke kept her eyes forward, staring out the huge windows in front of the treadmills, as she waited for her opportunity.

_Don’t rush._

She thought of Octavia as she stepped off the treadmill and grabbed the towel beside her water bottle. The dirty laundry hamper sat close to the door she needed to break into. The key in her shorts felt white hot against her skin as she walked.

_No one knows why you are here._

* * *

She watched her from across the gym. The girl was younger than she expected her to be, probably around twenty-five. Lexa glanced away for half of a second and she was gone. It was unbelievable. Lexa looked at the people exercising not even ten feet from the door. No one noticed the blonde enter the private office. It could be explained away by assuming the member of the gym did not know what the owner looked like, but Lexa knew the truth and it impressed her.

That girl is a natural, her foster mother’s voice said in her head. Even if Lexa had not been in the same room as her foster mom in over a year, the so man’s voice still dominated her thoughts.

The glass separating the gym and office was not impossible to see through. Lexa could not make out the other girl’s features through the frosted window, but she could detect her shadow inside. It had taken her less than three seconds to unlock the door. This girl was not a petty thief as Lexa previously thought. Octavia and Lincoln are good, but they are not that good.

* * *

Clarke would never forget the smile on Octavia’s face as she held up the flash drive later that evening. Lincoln drove down the back alley, away from the gym, and smiled in the rearview mirror. For the first time in a long time, Clarke felt proud of herself. After months of having her ass kicked by Lincoln and being bossed around by Octavia, finally she had impressed them.

“You’re calmer than I thought you’d be,” Octavia said. She closed the package with the hard drive inside. “I had to self-medicate after my first job or I would have never calmed down.”

Lincoln chuckled from the front seat. “Yeah and then I had to carry your ass back to the hotel room,” he said. “I guess I should not tell the newbie about you throwing up all down my back.”

Octavia rolled her eyes but Clarke detected a faint blush on her cheeks. Clarke doubted that anyone in the world could make that woman blush besides Lincoln.

Clarke did feel unnaturally calm. She felt the same way after her first robbery in her hometown. Just being a kid then, she had not fully understood the consequences she could face if caught. By some stroke of luck, the cops had not caught her until she was twenty. The adrenaline of consequences may have been the reason she committed her crimes back then. Now, she did what she was told by the people on her team.

“I’ll call Boss,” Lincoln said. “You did a damn good job, Clarke.”

* * *

That night, Clarke looked over at the clock on her nightstand. Two am, the glowing numbers said, and she had not fallen asleep yet. Maybe the cops would show up at her door.

_No one is coming to get you. You hurt other people now. They do not hurt you._

A knock at her door had her hand flying to the gun under her pillow. She held it out in front of her as she slowly made her way down the hall. If the cops bust in, Clarke chose to go down shooting. She refused to go back to jail. Her heart hammered more now than it did earlier that day at the gym.

“You’re really going to make me your first kill?” Octavia asked, sitting on the kitchen counter. Of course, she had already broken into the apartment.

Two of her fingers were in a peanut butter jar. Clarke let the gun fall to her side and put the safety on again. Octavia threw a duffel bag to her.

“Boss sends her thanks,” she said.

Inside were stacks of hundred-dollar bills. Somehow in the excitement of the job, Clarke forgot this was all for money. She might have done it for the free traveling. After years doing these kinds of jobs alone, she never made so much money in one day. Clarke doubted she had made this much in a month back home. Of course, her jobs before never involved stealing information as she had done today. Clarke excelled at stealing wallets and robbing stores though.

“I’m guessing putting this in the bank is out of the question,” Clarke said, throwing the bag on the couch.

“I already have it covered,” Octavia said. “There’s a safety deposit box in Italy you can put it all in. Just grab what you think you might need. Go back for more later. Lincoln and I have boxes somewhere else. Different cities.”

Octavia’s eyes stood out against her tan skin, especially in the barely lit kitchen, but right now she looked younger than Clarke had ever seen. There were dark bags under her eyes. There was something wrong. Her first thought was Lincoln but surely Clarke would know if something had happened to him. As far as she knew, the guy had not been hired for a job in weeks.

It was eerily silent for a while. The only sounds were sirens on the street below and Octavia licking her fingers. “I’ll be gone for a few days,” Octavia said. “Keep meeting Lincoln and you’ll move apartments in a few days, too.”

_You will see Octavia again._


	3. Chapter 2 - July 2015

The new bruise on her cheek reminded her that she still had much to do before she was ready to be on her own. Lincoln had not gone easy on her yesterday. Clarke could tell he was worried about sending her out too soon, but it was Octavia who _expressed_ her worries.

“You don’t know what it’s like to kill someone, Clarke,” Octavia said between rounds with their rifles.

They spent the better half of the morning hidden deep in the woods and practicing their aim. Clarke was confident in her abilities with any gun, but rifles happened to be her favorite.

“That you know of,” she tried.

“Oh, please,” Octavia said. “Don’t try that shit with me. I know you’ve never killed anyone. It changes you. I know you think you’re some tough assassin already but you’re just a baby.”

“Octavia, you’re only five years older than me,” Clarke said. “I don’t think that makes you my elder.”

“It isn’t about age,” she corrected. “It’s about the weight of death on your shoulders.”

There was a new burden on Octavia’s shoulders that seemed to be taking a toll on her. Never had Clarke seen her so distracted and... sad.

Octavia was already distracted by her gun, lining up a shot. Her eyes scanned the area before staring through the scope. Seeing Octavia so focused was something extraordinary. She often bragged that she had killed her first target with one shot from a window across the street in New York. Even though Octavia told her daily that she was as good as, if not better, than herself already, Clarke still felt incompetent.

Bark flew in all directions two hundred yards from them when Octavia hit her target, a tiny red piece of plastic on the tree trunk. She let the rifle hang at her side again.

“Boss didn’t hire me for a kill mission this soon,” Octavia said. “I think I trained for like a year.”

Clarke felt proud that the boss believed in her abilities. Since Nia was not around to see her talents herself, she got her information from Octavia and Lincoln.

“There’s only one other person Boss hired this soon but not even she was as good as you,” Octavia said.

Normally, Clarke would not ask questions about something mentioned so vaguely. She learned early on that trust was earned the hard way. If anyone knew too much, it could mean death.

“Who?” Clarke asked as she lined up her shot.

The red dot on the tree was tiny now after too many rounds hitting it and breaking off pieces. Clarke imagined the dot as a target. Maybe the dot was her target’s lapel pin, just over the heart. She pulled the trigger, holding her breath, until the dot was obliterated on the tree trunk.

_Goodbye, man in the suit._

“We aren’t supposed to talk about her,” Octavia said honestly. “It’s still a sore spot for the boss. Boss trained a kid for years, sent her on a whole bunch of jobs, and the kid turned on her. I guess she would be about your age now. I guess Boss started on her when she was young. Don’t tell Lincoln that I told you. Lincoln hates her.”

“So, she’s dead?” Clarke asked as she grabbed her bag to leave.

“No,” Octavia answered. “She’ll randomly send the boss notes and kill important informants. Always messing with her. Lexa wants the boss dead.”

* * *

“Car arrives in one hour,” the boss said before the call ended.

Clarke knew Nia meant one hour on the dot. She still had to shower, fix her hair, and get into her gown somehow. Once the bathroom was sufficiently hot, she stepped into the shower. The steam helped her focus. The burning of her skin helped her prepare for the night ahead. Tonight was the night she had trained for the past six months. Octavia and Lincoln would not be accompanying her tonight. Instead, they promise to buy her a drink when, or if, she returned.

The apartment felt cold as she slipped into the blue and silver gown Octavia had given her to wear tonight. Something poked her in the side as she walked from the bedroom to the living room. A small piece of paper had been folded and put into the dress: _See you tonight._

"Weird," Clarke mumbled to herself. Octavia must have left the note in the dress from the last time she wore it. Clarke tossed it in the trash.

The city lights seemed to shine brighter outside her apartment windows. Even if she felt way too exposed with the floor to ceiling glass, Clarke appreciated the view. This could potentially be her last night to live but her nerves were kept at bay for the time being. Octavia had promised to be here when she returned. Somehow, Octavia had become a lifeline in her life.

A black SUV waited out front on the curb for her. The windows were so dark that she had no way of knowing who was behind the wheel. There was a partition between the front and back rows. Clarke knew it was not Lincoln driving her, as he usually did, but she felt better believing it was him.

“I will be here when you are ready to leave,” a husky voice spoke from the front seat, through the glass.

The car was parked in an alley where it would not be spotted. She noticed her hand shaking as she reached out for the door handle.

_Pull it together before you get caught._

Clarke could not get caught. This was not a situation where she would just end up in jail. In this instance, she will be killed if she is caught. Octavia had told her the story about the girl before her. She had mysteriously died while awaiting her trial. The girl had been caught red-handed by a SWAT team after she assassinated a woman on the European council. Nia did not take chances on someone squealing.

Clarke thought about the girl as she walked toward the hall. Their voices grew louder as she approached.

_Did that girl have a choice to work for her or was she forced into it, too?_

* * *

Lexa watched her climb the stairs and walk through the huge doors of the building.

_Of course, Nia would send this girl here, her first target, as a test._

Hundreds were expected to be present at the gala tonight. There was no way Octavia and Lincoln thought this was a good idea. They may be brainwashed idiots, but they always tried to keep the newbies alive. Lexa had thought she could keep this from happening somehow. The dress she wore fit in perfectly with the women following the girl inside. Lexa kept her eyes open for any sign of other invaders, sent by the boss of course. There was no way Nia would send a newbie in without precautions. Especially not after everything that happened between them.

“Gustus?” Lexa whispered, spotting the girl’s target.

The way she eyed the man was not inconspicuous as the blonde was obviously nervous. Lexa quickly tried to figure out why Gustus would be one of their targets. He owned three of the biggest hospitals in the state. This gala was held once a year to raise money for something, she was not sure exactly what, but Lexa did not know the man to be evil in anyway. Nia could want this man dead for any number of reasons. Most likely, the person under Gustus had paid to have this happen.

“Champagne, ma’am?” a waiter asked the girl.

She politely accepted the glass, if only to fit in, and barely sipped it as she blended into the crowd. Lexa remembered how he felt the night of her first hired kill. This girl seemed unnaturally calm compared to how most of the newbies felt on their first job.

* * *

Clarke found the perfect window of opportunity. Someone came down the stairs, most likely from the bathroom, just as she went up them. She grinned at the woman as they passed each other. Gustus was preparing to come down these exact stairs for his grand entrance.

In the bathroom, she found the gun and silencer taped to the bottom of the sink inside the cabinet just as Octavia described. Maybe Octavia had planted it. She was not allowed to know all the details of their plans yet as the new member to their team.

After screwing on the silencer, Clarke slipped the gun into the garter around her upper thigh. The slit in her dress was designed to make it easier to grab. The gun felt heavier than normal and freezing cold against her inner thigh. Just a few moments and she will be facing her target and ending his life. It felt surreal. It suddenly felt hard to breathe.

Just as Clarke slipped out of the bathroom, the target’s wife passed her and locked herself in another room for reasons Clarke could only guess.

_It's now or never._

She glanced once more at the door his wife has disappeared into before pushing open the door her target was behind. He stood in front of a full-length mirror, adjusting his tie. He was, most importantly, alone.

“Can I help you?” he asked, his hands freezing for just a moment.

Clarke noticed that he did not seem scared of her. Honestly, she must look insane. Her breathing was swallow and strained. This man, on the other hand, was obviously accustomed to chaos.

Instead of questioning why Clarke was there, he turned to face the mirror once more. “It’s easy to get lost in here,” the target said, chuckling a bit.

As if someone else was doing it for her, Clarke suddenly had the gun in her hand and pointed at him. He dropped the fabric as he raised his hands in the air. Clarke suddenly felt the need to explain that she did not want to do this. She had no choice. It was him or her and she had no plans of dying tonight.

_You can do this. Shoot him and leave. Fifty thousand dollars and your life is on the line._

* * *

Lexa barely heard Gustus hit the ground through the rushing of blood in her ears. She had killed so many times throughout the years but at least there was always a good reason now. This time it just happened to be because she had a bleeding heart. Lexa glanced at the shocked, blonde girl still frozen in place, and finger on the trigger.

Lexa reached up and pushed her hand down, clicking the safety on as he did. Her eyes were still on the man now dead in the middle of the room. A tiny trail of blood leaked down his forehead from the bullet wound in his head. The light in his eyes had faded quickly. Lexa wanted to make it as quick as possible since the girl had already wasted precious time, hesitating. She would rather her victims die suddenly and quickly, unlike Nia.

Lexa desperately wanted to know what the blonde was thinking right now. “You were not prepared,” she said. “Tell them you did it. They'll believe you.”

Finally, the girl looked over at Lexa and her jaw snapped shut. “Who are you?” she asked.

“I can’t tell you,” she said honestly. “Nia would kill you immediately if she knew we were speaking. You must go. Someone will come looking for Gu... for him in a few moments.”

“You know him?” she asked, unable to comprehend why this girl would kill someone she knew. Maybe she was also planning on killing her target tonight.

“I know what you’re thinking, and it is incorrect,” Lexa said, shaking her head. “I did this because you are not ready. I did it for you, but you will tell them that you killed him.”

After moving Gustus's body to the side of the room, Lexa opened the window. “Go,” she said more urgently. Lexa motioned toward the balcony, silently pleading with her. “Climb down the trellis. Go back around to the front and be normal. Find your car.”

Someone knocked on the door and both of their eyes snapped to it. “Yes, you forgot to lock it,” Lexa said. “But I didn’t. As I said, you aren't ready.”

The girl finally moved to the window. She threw her leg over the side. After one last look at Lexa, the blonde girl disappeared into the darkness of the night.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 3 - August 2015

Things moved more quickly after her first kill mission. Octavia and Lincoln were tougher on her then ever. Nia was going to come for her soon and they all knew it. It was not dread that filled her but incompetence. Now that Clarke had broken the seal, she would be hired for the same jobs Nia sent Octavia on. Hired felt like the wrong word since none of them really had a choice. 

_Follow orders or die._

But Clarke had not truly broken the seal. That girl had killed the target Clarke was hired to kill. She was still trying to figure out what made her freeze. It was not nerves, as far as she knew. Clarke was no stranger to crime and destruction of others for her own gain. Despite wanting to ask Octavia and Lincoln about the girl who saved her (or ruined her), she knew better than to tell them the truth about that night. Either way, her target died but she doubted anyone else would see it that way. The fifty thousand dollars sat with the rest of her money, unspent. For whatever reason, guilt filled her mind when she thought of it. 

Lincoln pushed her hard in the chest, breaking her from the trance. Clarke fell back just a bit but reflexively swung at him. 

“Focus up,” he said after she missed. “What are you thinking about? Don’t answer that. Whatever it is, tell Octavia. I don’t want to hear about your childhood dog or something.” 

Clarke laughed at the thought. Her father would have never allowed her to have a pet. Her heart ached with sadness as she thought of her parents. Instead of her childhood, she was thinking of the girl who stole her kill. She had been wrong that night. Clarke would have succeeded. She just needed one more second. The inadequacy of her abilities motivated her to train harder. 

“Whatever it is, use it to your advantage,” Lincoln said, pushing her shoulder again. 

When Clarke landed punches, it was not Lincoln she saw. Green eyes filled her thoughts and she almost missed Lincoln's unusual grunts as she hit him harder than usual.

* * *

After training, Clarke went her separate way on the busy street. She glanced back at Lincoln. He was already gone, blending seamlessly into the crowd, even as he stood a half of a foot taller than the average man. Not even the top of his head could be seen. As she turned back around, Clarke pushed the sunglasses higher up the bridge of her nose. 

With a takeout bag in hand, Clarke walked two blocks toward the apartment building she was staying in. New York was her favorite city to stay in. She could blend in effortlessly. It was just a bit harder to blend into cities like Toyko or Cairo. Not impossible but harder. Before she could even toss her keys on the table, her eyes scanned the room. Something felt off. The room was too bright. The air was too thick somehow. 

_Someone is here._

Silently, she pulled open the drawer of her foyer table and reached for the gun inside. The gun was gone. Her hand moved around the drawer, silently, but found it empty. 

“Looking for something?” someone asked from the living room. She recognized the voice. 

Suddenly, there was a woman leaning against the wall beside her. Clarke sincerely hoped she did not notice her alarm. For the past two hours, she simulated killing this girl and now she was here. She twirled Clarke's handgun on her pointer finger like a hunting knife. 

“Beginner’s mistake keeping a gun in such an obvious place,” she said. “There is no way Octavia told you to do that.” 

“How do you know Octavia?” Clarke asked, rooted to her spot. 

The girl smirked and her cockiness only fueled Clarke's hatred. She turned her back to Clarke, walking toward the counter, and pulled the taped gun off the bottom of the kitchen island before jumping on the counter to sit. 

“Octavia knows me, too,” she said. “I’m Lexa.” 

* * *

It was all too easy to break into her apartment which worried Lexa. Someone was slacking. Security used to be Nia’s number one priority. Maybe it was easier for her to find puppets now. Either way, someone would try to kill this girl, the newbie, sooner or later. If she was not readily protected, it would be easy to do. 

“Lexa?” she asked, shocked. “Octavia mentioned you. You turned on everyone.” 

Lexa laid the two guns on the counter and opened the takeout bag. Clarke looked down, not realizing she had swiped it from her hand in all the chaos. As she took a bite of her sub sandwich, Lexa noticed her trying to sneak toward the couch. He found her effort admirable. 

“I wouldn’t do that,” she said. “You have been training for seven months. I have been in training my entire life.” 

* * *

Clarke felt lightheaded. Not only had Lexa broken into her apartment and stolen her food but she seemed to know everything about the past year of her life. Everything had changed January when she was supposed to go to jail. All that training did not prepare her for this situation. 

_Kill them before they can kill you._

Her hands wrapped around Lexa's neck as Clarke pulled her off the counter top. When Clarke expected her back to hit the tile, pain shot through her body as her own did instead. Her knee came up to slam into Lexa from behind before rolling away. Clarke was on her feet in record speed. 

“I really don’t want to hurt you,” Lexa said. “You’ll have to come up with a lie to tell Octavia and Lincoln if there are bruises, you know. Nia will take you out as soon as my name is brought up.” 

If Lexa thought hse would get the satisfaction of seeing Clarke squirm under the intensity of her gaze, she was wrong. Lexa's head snapped to one side with the force of her punch. Clarke was surprised she had let her get so close but maybe Lexa was expecting the hit. Maybe that was her plan because it gave her permission to attack her in return. Tonight would not be the night Clarke wound up with a sack over her head and a bullet in her brain. Lexa obviously hated the boss and held a grudge. There was no better way to get back at Nia than take out her forces. 

_Would Octavia and Lincoln miss me if I were gone? Do they train other people when I’m not around?_

* * *

Lexa took the blow without protest. She had enough time to prepare herself, so it caused less of a shock to her system. She needed this girl on her side and making her feel powerful might be her best chance. Lexa needed her to feel as though she could survive without the boss. 

The second punch though, she was not prepared for. The girl was stronger than Lexa gave her credit for. “No way you’ve only trained for six months,” she said, rubbing at her sore jaw. 

No need to let her win anymore since Lexa's ego had been hit enough, along with her body. Lexa quickly jerked to the left and, when the girl moved with her, she captured both of her arms. The blonde struggled for just a moment before understanding that her efforts were fruitless. 

“If you are going to kill me,” she started, turning her head toward Lexa only halfway. “Make it quick.” 

Lexa kicked the chair out from under the table and pushed her down into it. “I am not going to kill you,” she said honestly. “We need to talk.” 

* * *

There was no way to break free of the handcuffs around her wrists. Clarke tried to bring her arms to the front, as Lexa pulled all the curtains closed in the apartment, but it was impossible without breaking them. Once the room was darker and concealed, Lexa grabbed her sandwich again. At this point, it felt incredibly _unprofessional_. There was no way this girl was trained and hired by the same boss who hired her. If Lexa had not expertly tied her to the chair and broken into her apartment with no apparent way inside, Clarke would not believe this was the same girl who wanted the boss dead. It seemed laughable to think Lexa could kill someone like the boss when she was sitting on her counter and eating a sandwich from some hole in the wall place down the street. 

“Get on with it then,” Clarke said. She felt considerably satisfied when Lexa leaned over the sink and spit blood from her mouth. 

“Right,” she said. Lexa threw her sandwich wrap into the trashcan across the kitchen. “You work for the boss. Octavia is teaching you to use weapons and Lincoln is training you to fight. They are training you to kill for Nia.” 

Clarke was not sure what she was supposed to say. If she agreed, Lexa would have proof. If she did not agree, Lexa may question the whole situation. Clarke went through her words again and realized she had not phrased it like a question. Lexa knew too much about her team to not have, once, been involved in it. 

“I would ask your name, but I doubt you will tell me,” Lexa said, raising an eyebrow. She nodded after a moment, accepting Clarke's silence as the answer expected. “I want to help you.” 

Clarke wanted to scream. She was not sure what she wanted to say but a loud noise might break up the tension in the room. This situation almost felt like having whiplash. “Help me?” Clarke asked in disbelief. She scoffed. “Am I dreaming? You broke in here, stole my food, stalked me... the food probably isn’t that important but now I have nothing to eat!” 

Clarke thought she saw the smallest of smiles on Lexa's face. The bruises on her face were already darkening, which she was still proud of, but she forced her guilt down. Lexa would be as good as new within a few days. She could go back to stalking other girls. 

“Let me guess,” Lexa said between bites of the food. “You were caught doing something, probably holding someone up in a robbery, and charges were mysteriously dropped despite an enormous amount of evidence.” 

Clarke chewed on the inside of her cheek and tried to keep her facial expression neutral. Lexa's silence was harder to swallow. “What do you want?” she asked. 

“I want you to help me take Nia down,” Lexa said. “I need someone on the inside.” 

The room grew ten degrees hotter as she struggled in her confines. Lexa had no intention of untying her, she knew, but it was nice to see the agitation on her face at the movements. She seemed scared of Clarke in some way. 

“Let’s say that I do help you,” she said slowly, choosing each word carefully. “What would I get for helping you?” 

Lexa smirked. The expression fueled Clarke's hatred of her. The cuffs rattled against the chair as she struggled. She desperately wanted to punch her again. Nothing would convince her to help Lexa, but she was the key to her release at this moment. It pained Clarke to admit that she needed her. 

“What is it that you want?” Lexa asked. “I have money, contacts, anything you’d probably ask for. Once the boss is dead, I’ll have even more. I spend too much on that asshole.” 

“Sorry,” Clarke said, not at all apologetic. “I’m not a traitor. Now, let me out of these cuffs and be on your way.” 

“Look,” Lexa started, suddenly more serious than she had been before. “I didn’t want to get into this tonight... but I hope there is no one in your life that you want to keep alive.” 

There was not. Octavia and Lincoln, in her mind, did not count. As far as anyone outside the team, Clarke had no one to worry about. 

“Nia won’t let you have relationships,” Lexa said. “Hope you don’t plan on going on a date ever again or hanging out with a friend.” 

Clarke had never been on a proper date, but she had no intention of ever telling Lexa that. She pulled on the cuffs again as if they had magically unlocked themselves. Her hands had finally gone completely numb. 

“Let me out of these cuffs,” Clarke said. “Unless you’re scared that I’ll hit you again.” 

Lexa's eyes darkened at her words. The new marks on her cheeks had to be throbbing by now. That made Clarke happy. When Lexa moved behind her to remove the cuffs, she ignored the _annoying_ goosebumps on the back of her neck. The feeling was _anything_ but distracting, she told herself, as she massaged her numb hands. 

“I’m not going to ask your name,” Lexa said. “But it will be easy enough to find, I’m sure. I really need you to consider my offer. I saw your face the other night. You have never killed anyone.” 

Clarke's cheeks burned, embarrassed, that Lexa thought she was weak in some way. Killing was power in their field. When Lexa killed that giant man, she had not even flinched. A part of Clarke could not wait until she was numb to the guilt. 

“Think about it,” Lexa said, shoving her food in the takeout bag once more. She started to the door with it still in her hand. 

“I can’t even trust you around my food apparently,” Clarke said, watching Lexa walk through her apartment. 

“I’ll be back to get your answer,” she said. “Maybe I’ll bring you another sandwich. A better one. The meat is a little dry.” 

Just before the door to Clarke's temporary apartment closed, Lexa looked back and smirked. Once she was gone, Clarke punched a hole in the kitchen wall. 


	5. Chapter 4 - December 2015

The bandana felt too loose around her face, so Clarke adjusted it before getting out of the car. Octavia had insisted she find something nice to drive tonight, as a reward to herself, and trading out the license plates was easier than she anticipated. Now, Clarke was half an hour early.

Thankfully, it was so dark out that no one would find her suspicious on the street. Only one other person was out at this hour, but she doubted he would remember her. The puddle of drool on his jacket and half-lidded eyes told Clarke it was okay to move past him. The pile of beer bottles beside him clattered when one fell but the drunken man still did not stir.

Something about the darkness felt familiar. Clarke had spent more time in the darkness than in the sunshine recently. Maybe it was beginning to feel like her normal. Curtains were always drawn in her temporary living quarters and most jobs were more suited for the twilight hours.

Clarke's first kill mission had not gone to plan but everyone assumed it had. She vowed that Lexa would never intercept her again. Next time Lexa came to find her, Clarke would be ready. That was assuming Lexa would find her again as promised. She doubted that Lexa was known for keeping promises. A

s much as Clarke hated her, a part of her was constantly thinking about Lexa. She often wondered where the brunette was and if she was watching her. The back-of-the-neck prickling feeling could be attributed to Lexa's previous stalker-like behavior. Their last encounter was in New York months ago and Clarke would be lying if she said she was not anticipating Lexa's return.

The leather gloves on her hands were a new addition to her full look. Octavia left them on her counter before she had to leave for Italy this afternoon. Lincoln was in a particularly bad mood, as he usually was when Octavia was sent off on jobs without him, when they met for a training session this morning. Clarke entered the abandoned warehouse, stepping over broken bricks and whatever trash buildings collected from the homeless people who spent there over the years, and made her way to the staircase in the back. Her sniper rifle felt heavier than it now that she was here.

* * *

"That's her?" Anya asked, watching the blonde through binoculars. 

"Yes," Lexa said, leaning against the half wall on the building across the street. She fiddled with the knife in her hand, glancing up at Anya. "She went inside?"

Raven nodded and sat down beside her. "Yeah," she answered.

The small Bluetooth earpiece in their ears crackled a tiny bit as Raven connected with them. "Nia must be getting desperate," she said. Raven had set up the street cameras, moving them into position, before the girls had left. "Clarke Griffin. That's her name. She was arrested for bank robbery in January but the cops never got her name. Octavia broke her out before they printed her, too. I found her name from middle school records."

"Middle school?" Lexa asked. She ignored the way Anya rolled her eyes. "Clarke Griffin. Find out whatever you can about her, Rae."

"On it," Raven said before the line dropped again.

Anya unwrapped a piece of gum and threw the wadded wrapper over the ledge of the building. "Your obsession with this blonde girl is getting annoying, Lex," her sister said. "You know exactly why mom chose this girl. _Clarke_ is an obvious ploy to rouse you. Mom is fucking with you and you know it."

"Wait," Lexa said, turning toward her with flushed cheeks and anger in her eyes. "First, _Nia_ is not our mom. Second, you think that she hired this girl to get back at me? You honestly think that Nia is that desperate?"

"I think that Nia is very upset that you killed her top informant," Anya said. "And I think the threat you made at Roan pissed her off even more."

Lexa rolled her eyes at the mention of Nia's golden child. Technically, Roan was their foster brother. Roan is the only biological child Nia had and the only one she truly gave a shit about. 

"Speaking of Roan," Raven said, her side of the Bluetooth crackling to life. "Would you actually kill him if he found you?"

Lexa thought about it for awhile. Anya's stare made her nervous. After a long silence, she perked up when a man entered the building across the street. "Yes," Lexa finally answered as she set her rifle up on the ledge of the building. 

* * *

Clarke's heart hammered as she waited. Footsteps echoed through the empty, concrete building as the man ascended the steps. She tried to remember Lincoln and Octavia's advice but all she could see now was the two of them, kissing against her fridge when she came home. Tonight was not the night she had wanted to find out about their secret affair. It was much too distracting when she was supposed to take on a big job tonight.

She ducked behind a column, silently, and focused on where the man was in the giant room. Her finger twitched on the trigger of the handgun she held against her thigh. 

_You'll be home in one hour, eating popcorn, and trying to find out more about Octavia and Lincoln's relationship._

Clarke, for whatever reason, wondered if Lexa knew the two of them were together. She had her doubts that Lexa could not find out anything she wanted about anyone. Plus, she knew her best friends better than Clarke did apparently. Even Octavia would have admitted that if she were here right now.

Before she moved away from the protection of the concrete column separating her and the target, she took deep breaths. Octavia and Lincoln were waiting for her to return. That was motivation enough to get this over with. She lifted the gun and turned to face the man, who apparently knew exactly where she had been hiding. His hands wrapped around her mouth and knocked the gun from her hand easily. 

* * *

Lexa could tell this was not going to end well. She watched the man through her scope, who apparently knew exactly where Clarke was hiding, as he carefully made his way toward the column. 

"No, no, no," she mumbled, clicking the safety off. She moved her rifle slightly to the right so it lined up with his chest. The laser was directly over his heart. All she had to do was pull the trigger. Just as her finger moved into position, the man had Clarke in his arms. "Fuck."

Her feet moved faster than her mind. Lexa was on her feet, the rifle still perched on the ledge, as she pulled her knife from the holster around her leg. She jumped down from the ledge and to the fire escape.

"Take the shot if you get one, An," Lexa called to her sister as she ran down the metal steps. 

Lexa ran through all scenarios in her head as she crossed the street. Nia was known for her elaborate plans and she doubted this was a coincidence. Her mind could think of nothing but saving Clarke. This girl did not deserve whatever torture, on Lexa's behalf, Nia had planned for her. It was not fair that Clarke would be hurt because of the bad blood between them. 

The sound of a gunshot echoed through the warehouse. A second shot sounded five seconds later. 

Lexa ran faster up the stairs, somehow not stumbling once, and pushed through the floor five doors. "Clarke!" she shouted, the handle of her knife pressing painfully into her hand from where she was holding it so tight.

The blonde, standing over a man lying on the ground, looked back at her. Clarke groaned at the sight. "Really? You didn't think I could handle this on my own?" she asked. motioning toward the dead man. 

There was blood running down the hole in his skull but also from the bullet wound in his chest. "What?" Lexa asked. She squatted down to search his body for weapons, pushing them across the floor and away from him, just in case. 

"You shot him after I had already killed him!" Clarke shouted. Obviously, she was still hyped up on adrenaline. 

Lexa looked through the open window and grinned when she saw her sister, sitting on the ledge with an apple now in her hand. Anya waved before jumping down to leave. "We had to make sure he was really dead," she said standing once more. "Please, stop yelling. Someone else could still be around."

"Why the fuck are you even here?" Clarke asked, not taking her advice about lowering her voice. 

Lexa admired how cute she looked with both hands on her hips and a scowl. The sound of a metal door opening had Lexa pushing Clarke against the wall once more. Her hand covered Clarke's mouth, in fear the blonde would be unable to control herself. The door closed once more and Lexe leaned around to check. She only released the blonde when she saw her sister now standing over the man's body.

"Never seen him before," Anya said. "Must be a legit target. Next time, hide somewhere less obvious, blondie."

Clarke pushed Lexa back, hard, and walked toward the other woman. "First off, I did not need your help," she said, angrily. "Secondly, I knew exactly what I was doing. I had a plan."

Anya rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right," she said, scoffing.

Clarke noticed how similar the two girls looked as Anya took a bite of her apple. It made her even angrier. "You took my gun!" Clarke shouted, whirling around to face Lexa again. 

The brunette smiled at her and held Clarke’s gun out. Before the blonde could grab it, she pulled it back. "I don't trust you not to shoot us out when we turn our backs," Lexa said, only half serious. "I'll leave it on your balcony tonight."

When it was confirmed that Clarke could not snatch it, or fight the both of them, she simply rolled her eyes. "I hate you," she replied, completely exhausted.

It took all of her self-restraint to not run after the two of them when she heard their chuckles on the stairwell. She resigned to imagining shoving both of them down the stairs instead.

And that night when she saw her gun on the railing of her balcony, she seriously regretted not killing Lexa when she had the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully writer's block will not befall me and i will hold on to this motivation


	6. Chapter 5 - March 2016

Lexa had not been in the same room as Clarke Griffin in months and this must be what _withdrawal_ felt like. The blonde had not been sent on any missions that she knew of since December. All Lexa could do was watch the woman from afar. It felt cruel. Not that she, at all, wanted Clarke to be hired by Nia. Lexa still firmly believed Clarke was not ready. As much as Lexa hated it, Clarke still sat on balconies in the mornings. Nothing made Lexa happier than Octavia setting Clarke up in an apartment building with no balconies. 

Anya had not stopped messing with her since the night they rescued Clarke. As much as it pained her to admit it, she had a feeling some part of Anya's statement was correct. Nia knew exactly what she was doing when she hired Clarke. _A damsel in distress_ , Lexa thought. Maybe her foster mom knew her better than she had previously assumed.

"What are you doing now, Rae?" Lexa asked, slipping the noise-cancelling headphones off her head and around her neck. 

"I am testing this gas to see if it will convert-" Raven started.

"Forget it," Lexa said before she could go on. 

She looked up when Anya walked into the room with a phone in each hand. Both were burners they had yet to dispose of since they had not had any significant tasks in the past few months. Nia was laying low and Clarke was still training. Of course, Nia never truly laid low. She only planned.

One of the phones dinged with a text message. Lexa and Raven's heads snapped to Anya. Never, since breaking free of Nia's company, had they received texts on their burner phones. 

"Oh, she's good," Anya mumbled, furiously typing something on the phone who received the text. 

Raven tried, multiple times, to ask who it was but Anya was too distracted with the texts. "I'm sleeping in my own bed tonight," Raven said, rolling her eyes before she went back to whatever science experiment she had been working on. 

Lexa chuckled when her sister looked up, finally, when the words clicked.

"You'd miss me too much, Reyes," Anya said, eyes squinted at the other woman. 

"Who the hell was the text from?" Lexa asked. 

"Your girlfriend," Anya replied with a smirk. 

* * *

Clarke sipped the water in her glass as she stared out the huge bay window. Her feet were propped up on the back of the sofa, forcefully relaxed, as if she convinced herself that everything was fine... _maybe it would be_. The past few months had been rough and there was no one she could talk to about it. Octavia and Lincoln tried but they were not the warmest of people. They really did not want to discuss personal problems but they did it when necessary. Despite Clarke's inner turmoil, she had yet to ask them the questions that plagued her thoughts daily. 

"Finally," she mumbled when she heard the sounds of someone entering her new apartment. 

"Clarke?" Lexa asked. She paused briefly in the hall when she spotted the other woman. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail this time and the same leather jacket on as before. It suited her, Clarke observed.

"You never came back to get my answer," she said, watching her from over the back of the couch. "And you didn't bring me food."

Clarke could not read the expression on Lexa's face as she got closer. It was not surprising, honestly, as Clarke had not begun to understand anything about the other woman thus far. Nothing she did seemed to make sense. 

Lexa sat in the chair, across the living room from her, and Clarke felt disappointed. "Sorry about the food," she said, finally grinning. "I figured I should stay away from you for a while. You seemed pretty upset with us last time we came into contact."

"You mean the time you killed someone for me and then the other time when you had your partner kill someone that I had already killed? Yes, I was kind of upset by that," Clarke said.

"Anya was only making sure he was dead," Lexa said. "But yes, I did tell her to take the shot should she get one. It was sheer luck you broke free from that guy anyway."

"How in the hell would you know that?" Clarke asked, anger slipping into her tone. "I am not as useless as you seem to assume I am."

"No one thinks that you are useless," Lexa said. 

Clarke scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Could have fooled me," she said. "You're constantly following me and taking the shots that I am supposed to take."

Lexa sighed and tried to figure out how to explain herself. It would be impossible to do without giving too many details away about her relationship with Nia. She sincerely did not want Clarke to know anything... _yet_. If it were not for Anya and Raven's safety, she would have been happy to disclose whatever details the blonde woman wanted. She would probably do anything Clarke wanted her to. 

"Look," Lexa said. She leaned forward on her hands, elbows to her knees. "You don't know what you're mixed up in, Clarke. Octavia and Lincoln are good people... they are but they don't even know the half of it. You won't know anything until you're out. I can get you out. I can help you."

Clarke stared at her, motionlessly, for a few minutes. Lexa could not tell what she was thinking or feeling. As much as she wanted to help Clarke, the woman could obviously handle herself. 

"I do need your help," she said finally. 

Lexa perked up in her seat and nodded. "Okay, I can get a plan together with An and then Raven can-" she started.

"Lexa, stop," Clarke said. "I don't want out. Not yet anyway. I need something else. I need you to find out who killed my father."

Whatever Lexa had been expecting, that was not it. Clarke could tell she was surprised. A part of her admired the expression on Lexa's face since it proved the woman was not a robot. 

"What is your father's name?" Lexa finally asked. 

"Jacob Griffin," she answered. "He was murdered four years ago in Phoenix."

"No promises but I'll find out what I can, okay?" Lexa said, standing.

"Okay," she replied, staring out the window again. 

Lexa made her way to the door again, feet getting heavier and heavier with each step. Her phone buzzed in her back pocket and she pulled it out to check. She ignored Anya's call. 

"Stop stalking me," Clarke said just before Lexa was out of sight in the hallway.

"No promises," Lexa said again.

Lexa memorized the sound of Clarke's soft laughter and her heart felt lighter than it had in months.

* * *

"Jacob Griffin was a scientist," Raven said a few days later.

Lexa had begun researching the man as soon as she had gotten home from Clarke's. As Clarke requested, Lexa had not checked on her since seeing her last. She trusted that Clarke could handle herself but it did make Lexa feel better when she could confirm. Anya and Raven were the most surprised by this. On the third day of Lexa staying home, they recorded during the night to see if Lexa was sneaking out then. When she did not, they finally caved and started helping her search for Clarke's father. 

"He was in Phoenix for a science and engineering convention when he was killed," she continued. 

"Don't get any ideas, Rae," Anya said from the kitchen. "I am not sitting through one of those terrible things again while you orgasm to some gross guy talking about conversion theory or something."

"For one, he was talking about convulsive therapies," Raven argued. "And for two, I did not orgasm."

"You were very enthusiastic that night though," Anya said. "In the hotel."

"Well, maybe I did not orgasm but it was a very sexual experience for me," Raven said, smirking at the woman over her laptop. 

Lexa groaned and put her headphones back on. Numerous times had Lexa heard the two of them having sex but it never got better. Anya was her sister and Raven was her best friend. She was happy for them but slightly jealous. And only a little bit grossed out. 

"I haven't found anything dirty about him," Lexa said. "Maybe it was just a random murder. Clarke must think he was killed for some reason."

"Or we just haven't found the reason yet," Anya said. 

The phone beside Raven went off, loudly, in the tense room. "Your girl's on the move," she said, typing an address into her computer. "Monty sent coordinates to where she is now. Do you want me to send them to you?"

Lexa's immediately wanted to scream 'yes' and go to wherever Nia had sent the blonde. But, as promised (or not promised), she needed to give Clarke space. Plus, she would lessen the risk of putting Clarke in danger with Nia. If Nia knew of Lexa's real interest in the girl or that Clarke had contact with anyone outside of her team, Clarke would be dead before Lexa could do anything about it. That was something Nia still had over Lexa. More money. More contacts. More resources. More people willing to kill for her, no questions asked.

"No," she answered, though it pained her to say. "I'm sure Clarke can handle whatever her mission is."

Raven and Anya stared at her, as though she had lost her mind, but did not argue. 

'Keep your eyes on her,' Anya texted Monty. 'Let me know if there's any trouble.'

They received a thumbs-up emoji in response. "Nerd," Anya mumbled, rolling her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raven and anya together are the cutest


	7. Chapter 6 - May 2016

"You're quiet today," Octavia said from across the table.

They had decided to go out for dinner tonight instead of bringing home takeout like they usually did when they were in the same city. All that was missing was Lincoln but he would not be back in town for another few days. 

"Sorry," Clarke said. 

The past few months had been slow and boring. There were not any jobs in the next few weeks for either of them which meant she had no reason to leave the house unless it was to hang out with Octavia and Lincoln. She honestly missed doing her independent jobs because, at least, she had freedom then. More risk (or less risk depending on how she viewed things that day) but an abundant amount of freedom. No jobs also meant no excuses to see Lexa. 

Since their last encounter, Clarke constantly found herself looking for the woman but was always disappointed. It seemed like Lexa had actually stopped stalking her. 

"Lincoln called earlier," Octavia said. "He told me Lexa threatened Roan again. Apparently she gave Nia a countdown this time. Told her that he was going to die in a week."

"What is Lexa's obsession with Roan?" Clarke asked, mostly to herself. She had tried to figure out why the woman wanted Nia's son dead but could not come up with a logical reason. Roan did not seem like that terrible of person. He was definitely no worse than any of them, including Lexa. 

"You don't know?" Octavia asked, surprised. "Lexa's obviously jealous of the golden child since Nia is Lexa's mom, too."

* * *

Clarke took an extreme amount of pride in Lexa's scream. Never in her life did she assume she would ever get to see Lexa shocked. Lexa's hand covered her heart as she felt, what must be, her heart racing and pounding. 

"When were you going to tell me?" she asked. 

Lexa sat, more like slumped, onto her bed. The woman took a few extra seconds to compose herself before answering, "Tell you what exactly?"

"That Nia is your mom," Clarke said.

"Wow, I have so many problems with that statement," Lexa said, shrugging off her leather jacket. "For one thing, Nia is not my _biological_ mother and, for two, it's none of your business."

Clarke wanted desperately to touch her jacket and see if it really was as soft as it looked. Lexa had obviously worn it for years. Every time they encountered each other, she had it on. No one else in the world pulled off a leather jacket the way Lexa did, Clarke was sure of that. 

"So, she's your.... adoptive mother?" Clarke asked. She ignored Lexa's glares. 

"No," Lexa said, standing. She stood up from the bed and closed the door. "How did you find out where I live?"

"Answer my questions first and then I'll tell you," Clarke said.

If Lexa was not worried about her own safety, she would have let it go. She needed to know how Clarke found her address in case Nia could find it, too. 

"Nia is my foster mother," Lexa finally said. "Or... she used to be. Until I turned eighteen."

Clarke had that familiar feeling of being lightheaded, often associated with finding out new things about the woman, and sighed. She did not have any idea what Lexa was feeling right now. Her facial expressions rarely gave anything away. 

"Right," she said. "Your foster mom. Roan is your foster brother. Roan is Nia's real son?"

Lexa flinched at her choice of words and sincerely hoped Clarke did not notice. "Biological son, yes," she replied. 

Clarke chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I'm sorry," she said. "Biological son, I mean."

"Not that it is any of your business," Lexa said again. "Now, tell me how you found my apartment and got inside."

"Raven and Raven," Clarke said. "I found the tracker you had your friend, Raven, put in my phone and used it to backtrack the signal. Then, when I got here, Raven let me inside."

"Again, there is no way you've learned all this in a year," Lexa said. "I know you were a criminal before joining Nia's company... What did you do exactly?"

"I prefer the term _opportunist_ to criminal," she said. 

Lexa smiled at her words. It was the first genuine smile Clarke had seen since they met. She liked it... a lot. _Too much_. Despite Lexa's warnings about the relationship aspect of their lives, it had not stopped Clarke from developing... whatever feelings it was that she felt for her. There was no room in her life to date, that was certain. 

"Whatever it is that you called yourself," she said. "You broke laws and learned things like backtracking GPS signals while doing it."

Clarke shrugged. She did not deny that aspect. There were some things she had learned before joining Nia... or recruited by her. Knowing that Nia was Lexa's foster mom made her feel differently about the woman. Obviously, she was not a true mother to Lexa which made her sad. Clarke did not dare ask about Lexa's biological mother. At least, not right now.

"Lexa," Clarke started. "You cannot kill Roan."

"You are not my boss, Clarke," Lexa said through clenched teeth. Her tone was no longer playful.

The way Lexa said her name did something to her, internally. No one had ever said her name the way Lexa did. She took her time. She said it with _care_.

"I'm being serious," she said. "Roan is not the one you really hate. He is not Nia. Killing him will only make everything worse."

"And how do you know that?" Lexa asked. "What if killing him makes her finally see the trauma killing someone does to a person? Nia has never lost anyone close to her. She kills people's family all the time and has no idea what that feels like."

"You're really going to kill him?" she asked. Clarke was honestly shocked that Lexa was considering this. For some reason, she believed Lexa was nicer than that. Maybe she really did not know the woman at all.

"Clarke, please leave now," Lexa said. "I need to shower. I have an early flight tomorrow."

"Where are you going?" Clarke asked.

Lexa grabbed clean clothes from the closet and threw them on the bed. A small duffel case was pulled out from under the bed. "Goodbye, Clarke," Lexa said again as she stuffed clothes in the bag. 

Clarke needed a plan. She could not leave knowing that Lexa had plans to kill Roan. Octavia had warned her about what could happen if that was true. All Nia's... _employees_ would be hired to find Lexa. Dead or alive. Nia could spare millions to put on Lexa's head especially when it came to her son. If there was anything Nia gave a damn about, it was Roan. She could not imagine how she would feel if Lincoln killed Lexa... or if anyone killed her. Clarke had a feeling it might devastate her.

"Lexa," Clarke started, moving closer to her. She stopped when they were just a few inches apart. This was supposed to be the backup plan but no other plan came to mind. Her hand reached out to rest on Lexa's elbow, holding her gently. It felt like an electric shock to touch her. "I can't... How long will you be gone?"

Lexa, in the rational part of her brain, knew this was a scheme. She glanced down at where their skin was touching and then back up at her face. "Just a few days," she said, against her will. 

Clarke's fingers moved over her cheekbone, as if Lexa might break if she was too rough, as she sighed softly. "Do you still need to shower?" she asked, cheeks flushing. 

"We shouldn't..." Lexa said. Everything in her body screamed for the blonde but this was not a time to give into her urges. It would be _disastrous_. 

"I know but..." Clarke started. Her voice trailed off as her eyes stared at Lexa's full lips. "I could help, you know?"

"You're only doing this because you want something from me," Lexa said. The truth made her a bit sad. "Not that I don't appreciate the effort but I really do have to shower now. _Alone_."

Clarke actually pouted. Lexa was sure she had never, _ever_ , seen anything as cute as her pout. If it was up to her, she would take the blonde into the bathroom and not let either of them out for hours. But this was about more than her feelings. Sleeping with Clarke could be nothing more than a fantasy if she wanted to maintain any sort of semblance of enemies. 

"Fine," Clarke said, stepping back. "Fine. But think about what I said, Lexa. If you kill Roan... I may not be able to protect you."

Lexa's heart sunk to the ground along with her willpower. Suddenly, Clarke's thighs were wrapped around Lexa's waist as they kissed. Lexa did not even make it to the shower that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to those who are reading this and please forgive the short chapters, i am hoping to write a lot of chapters but they will probably be about this long on average (i am completely guessing since i have not written the next chapters yet)
> 
> what do you all think so far??


	8. Chapter 7 - May 2016

Lexa was honestly not surprised to find Clarke not in the bed when she woke to the sound of her alarm. The bed was cold which meant she had probably been gone for awhile. She was less surprised when she heard the sound of keyboard keys clicking from the bathroom. What she was surprised by though was that Clarke finally learned how to lock a door. The bathroom was locked with Clarke inside. Clarke who also had her laptop.

"Let me in," Lexa said firmly. She reached to the top of the door and the key was gone. 

"Just one second," Clarke said. The sound of the toilet flushing did nothing to distract her.

"Let me in right now or I'm kicking the door down!" Lexa said, yelling now. 

Their night together had obviously done nothing to ease the tension between them. There was still too variables that made their relationship an extremely bad idea. 

Clarke opened the door a few moments later with the laptop in her hand. At least she had the decency to look guilty. Lexa doubted she actually felt that way.

"You still haven't found out who killed him?" she asked, tossing the computer on the unmade bed. Her eyes lingered for a moment too long at the disheveled comforter. 

"No, but we're still working on it," she said. 

"Tell me when you find something," Clarke said, grabbing her jacket from the ground where it was thrown the night before. "And don't kill Roan."

"Is that was last night was all about?" Lexa asked. Her tone was not accusatory despite how she felt.

Clarke did not answer for a moment, distracting herself with the button of her jeans. She finished getting dressed before finally looking at her again. "Last night was... Are you still going to kill him?" she asked.

The other woman sighed. "It's complicated, Clarke," she said. "Look. I do have somewhere to be for a few days. I can't kill him from there."

"Fine," she said, folding her arms. "Find me when you're back and we can continue this conversation."

The entire trip, Lexa thought about the look on Clarke's face before she left. She tried to figure out what that expression meant. Disappointment? Regret? Anticipation? She was not sure but she looked forward to their meeting when she returned home. 

* * *

"Where have you been?" Lincoln asked as she ran through the gym doors and toward her mentor. 

"Sorry, sorry," Clarke said. "I overslept."

Lincoln rolled his eyes at her excuse, obviously not believing that for a second. She really needed to work on lying if she was going to get anywhere in this business. Oddly, she could lie to most people easily. It felt weird lying to Octavia or Lincoln. Maybe because they are the only two people she can count on in her life. If she lost them, she would surely go insane. If it was not for Octavia's random appearances, she would become a shut-in.

Clarke's arms were sore from the night before. It reminded her of Lexa which caused... _some kind of emotion_ to detonate inside of her. 

"I got another job for you," Lincoln said in the middle of their workout. 

Clarke sat up on her knees, stopping in the middle of her push-up set, and looked over at him. He could do them and talk at the same time which Clarke basically considered a superpower. 

"What are the details?" she asked, wiping her forehead with a towel.

"I'll give you the pictures," he said. "You have a hotel room in D.C. already booked under your pseudo. Some guy in government, I think. It's a pretty big job by the sound of Nia's voice. Must be a big payday."

Clarke nodded. She hoped she hid her disappointment well. When Lexa returned, if she actually showed up at Clarke's apartment, she would not be there. Surely, the woman could find her. She had all the other times.

"It's been a few months since Nia hired me for anything," Clarke said.

"Things have been kind of crazy for her since Lexa contacted her, I think," Lincoln said. "She's been laying low, trying to come up with a plan to stop her. I've been hired to handle it."

"Handle what?" Clarke asked as she did her cool down stretching. 

"Lexa," he answered. 

* * *

Anya had been expecting this. Nia would, of course, hire her best people to come after them. Lincoln and Octavia were the most loyal employees she had besides Roan. What surprised Anya still to this day was that she did not hate the two of them. She liked them. When they all worked together, Lincoln would do anything to help his friends and Octavia was the strongest person she knew. Before breaking free of Nia's reign, Anya had begged the two of them to join her. Neither went along with it and, the helpless romantic that Lexa still was, claimed that it was because both were scared of Nia killing the other. 

Nia had recruited Octavia when she was eighteen. Lincoln was recruited the same year but he was two years older than she was. Lincoln had been arrested for underground fighting. He had accidentally killed someone during a fight. Octavia was a fighter with no direction. As far as Anya knew, Lincoln had recommended Octavia for the company and she was hired. Nia had never, before Octavia, hired someone who had not first been a criminal. She had also never allowed two of her employees to be in a relationship. At least they had the decency to keep it, mostly, a secret. 

Raven had intercepted a text from Octavia, luckily, that gave away Lexa's location. Apparently, Lincoln was officially hired to " _silence_ " her sister. The thing that upset her most about the whole situation... Clarke had to of known and did not even warn Lexa.

"She's not going to risk her own life for any of us," Raven said. "Plus, when did we start expecting blondie to be a decent person?"

"The day that you let her into our apartment," Anya replied. 

* * *

Just like her sister, Lexa had not been surprised to learn that Nia was making good on her plans to kill her. It was to be expected after Lexa officially threatening her son. Raven had managed to save her this time by setting up another sleeping arrangement. Now, she was in the basement of an old apartment building. She slept like a rock in the freezing cold bedroom. 

Phoenix was just as she expected. Sandy, mountain-y. It was nice enough but her only real interest here was to find out more about Clarke's dad. Entering the police station felt like entering a church. She was out-of-place and extremely unwelcome here, too. 

"Hi," the woman behind the desk said with a smile. "What can I help you with?"

"Hi, I'm looking for a file on a man named Jacob Griffin," Lexa said. "He was murdered about four years ago."

The woman nodded and typed something into her computer. "Yes, I have a folder on him," she said. "Give me one second and I'll get it for you. Would you like a copy to take?"

"That would be great," Lexa replied. 

She imagined what Clarke's dad looked like. He must have some of her features. Maybe blonde hair and blue eyes, just like his daughter. There had been no pictures of him online since Clarke had apparently removed everything that managed to slip past his filters. The man was secretive about his look since his research often rubbed people the wrong way. 

The female officer handed over his file, Jacob Griffin printed on top, and smiled again. "Thank you," Lexa said. 

When she was safely in the stolen car once more, she opened the manila folder. As Lexa expected, Clarke looked like her dad. He did not have pure blonde hair but it was mixed with a sandy brown color.

Something about him was familiar but Lexa could not quite put her finger on it.

* * *

"So," Octavia started. "Who did you sleep with the other night?"

Clarke had driven all night to meet up with O halfway to D.C. Now, they sat across from each other in the double bed. The hotel room she was in this time was small, even for a single room. 

There was no way Clarke could tell Octavia the truth. She could not even confirm sleeping with anyone since there was a chance Octavia would run and tell Nia she was in an outside relationship. It seemed ridiculously hypocritical since her two mentors were openly in a relationship.

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked. 

"Lincoln said you were late to training the other day," she said, shrugging. "I was just guessing. I mean, it's been... what? A year since you joined us. You haven't slept with anyone since then?"

"Does that really matter?" Clarke asked. 

Octavia shrugged. Clarke could tell there was something bothering her. More than once did she start to say something but stopped before anything could come out. The air started, loudly under the window, which distracted both of them for a moment.

"You can trust me, you know?" Octavia said, more like a question. 

"Can I?" Clarke shot back. Nothing Octavia had told her before this led Clarke to believe that was true. 

"You're kind of the closest friend I have, Clarke," she replied. "I know what I've said before about Nia and all that but I wouldn't tell her something like that. Like I said, it's been a year. I know you would never do anything to betray us. I trust you completely."

Clarke's heart twinged at that. Her chest felt tight. "I trust you completely, too," she replied. "And... yes, I did sleep with someone that night. Just a... one night thing."

"Boy or girl?" she asked with a grin.

If Clarke had been to any sleepovers as a child, she would know what they felt like, but she would bet that this was pretty close. She was not lying before about trusting Octavia. She did trust the other woman but she also knew that Nia always got what she wanted from the brunette. Whether it would be threatening Lincoln or her own life, she had a lot to lose.

"Girl," she replied. 

"Oooo," Octavia replied, smirking. "Well, I'm glad. Maybe it will loosen you up for the job tomorrow."

* * *

Something had gone very wrong. Someone must have tipped them off that someone might try an assassination plot tonight. They had been more prepared than Clarke had planned for. Somehow, she had completed the job. Clarke could still hear screaming and sirens from two streets over, where the man now lay dead on the steps. 

Her arm and side felt too warm and too wet. The smell of blood filled the small room she was in and it made her feel, even more, lightheaded. She did her best to hold her hand over the wound, to try and stop the bleeding, but it still leaked through her fingers. 

"Fuck," she mumbled. Clarke sent as SOS to Octavia and prayed to whatever... _spirit_ had helped her thus far that her friend got here soon.


	9. Chapter 8 - June 2016

_The snow was wet and cold on her legs. Schools were closed because of it and somehow her dad had been able to stay home, too. This was the first time in her life that she remembered having her dad all to herself for an entire day. Her mother had a big surgery that morning but promised to be home as soon as she could. That meant she would be home by midnight._

_"Clarkie, I found your gloves," her dad said, throwing them at her from the front porch._

_She slid the gloves on her hands before grabbing a handful of the snow to make a snowball. Her dad acted surprised when she threw it at him. He came down from the porch and threw one at her in return. They threw snowballs at each other for awhile until Clarke was exhausted. She fell back on the snow, waving her arms up and down, and smiled up at her dad. His head blocked the sun and made a halo around it._

"Red," _Jake said seriously. He was not smiling or joking. Her father was trying to tell her something. "Red, red, red."_

_Clarke turned her head when she heard the sound of water and saw a stream of red. It was blood. Blood running through the snow like a river through the rain forest. She turned to look up at her dad, scared now. He always knew how to make her feel better._

_"Red, Clarke," Jake said again. "Clarke! Clarke!"_

"Clarke!" someone else was shouting now as she woke. 

Clarke felt a hand on her arm and another on her side. The hand on her side hurt a lot.

"Stop it, dad," Clarke mumbled. "You're hurting me."

"I have to get the bullet out," the voice said. It was no longer her father's voice but a woman's. A familiar woman's voice. 

The pain was worse for a second. Someone was stabbing her in the side, right where the bullet had entered her, but it stopped as quickly as it started. Clarke wanted to scream but she was too tired to scream. 

"You'll be alright now," the woman said just before Clarke fell asleep again.

* * *

This time when she woke up, it was in a real bed. Her back hurt from sleeping on concrete for what must have been hours. The pain in her back was barely noticeable with the throbbing in her side. It was a constant dull ache now. 

"You're finally awake," Octavia said. "I got your text. I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner."

Clarke groaned as she turned on her back, looking over at her on the other side of the bed. "It's okay," she mumbled, voice dry and thick.

"I can't believe you took the bullet out yourself," Octavia said. "That must have hurt so bad."

Clarke tried desperately to remember who had helped her. She had no idea who it was but she remembering thinking the voice was familiar. It was definitely someone she knew of. Who would help her? Who could have known she was there?

Lexa. The voice was not Lexa's though. She would have known if it was her.

"Yeah," Clarke mumbled, lying. 

"Sorry I can't get you checked by a doctor," Octavia said. "I know enough to make sure it doesn't get infected."

"I'm just glad I completed the job," she said. 

"I am too," Octavia admitted, relief in her voice. 

* * *

"Stop worrying so much, Lex," Anya said.

Lexa's voice sounded through the car Bluetooth speaker. Anya and Raven were halfway home from their trip to D.C. as Lexa was on her way back from Phoenix. "I'm not worried," the younger sister said. "I only wish Raven had some medical experience to prove she had not caused more damage."

"Hey! A degree from Harvard is nothing to scoff at, Lexa!" Raven argued from the passenger seat. 

"You don't have a medical degree," Lexa said, sighing.

"Maybe not but I would if you had not recruited me to help you," she said. 

Lexa had no response to that and she could basically feel her sister's smirk through the phone. Despite being thirty thousand feet in the air, Lexa felt like she was in the same room as Anya. They were in sync like that.

"I promise that your girlfriend will heal just fine," Raven said. "And I made it look like she did it herself just as you requested."

"Thank you, Rae," Lexa said. "And stop calling her my girlfriend."

The line dropped before either of them could reply. Anya was smiling and Raven already had her laptop out. Neither of them had seen Lexa this happy in a long time. The whole situation reminded them of Costia. Anya had a feeling that Lexa would not survive another heartbreak like that one. Clarke was more than that relationship had ever been, even this early. When she and Costia had their... thing, Lexa was too young to really understand her feelings. 

Clarke had the ability to crush her sister and they all knew it.


	10. Chapter 9 - March 2019

> With a black bandanna covering the lower half of her face, Clarke climbed the fire escape until reaching the top of the apartment complex. Her blonde, long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her blue eyes stood out against the dark fabric beneath them. Without the bandanna, she would be able to see her breathe in white wisps. It was chilling quickly as the sun went down. 
> 
> Thankfully, this job is supposed to be simple. One bullet through the heart would be enough take her target down just as it had all the others. Her sniper rifle snapped into place easily which was, hopefully, a reflection of the night ahead of her.
> 
> _Focus._
> 
> At any second, her target would cross the basement window and she would strike. Quick and easy, just as she was trained to do. She was, by now, as comfortable with long distance shooting as someone might be with a best friend.
> 
> She heard her friend's words as if she were standing over her shoulder. “Watch out for his bodyguard, Clarke,” she had warned two days ago in Italy. Clarke was not worried. The bodyguard would be easy to take down if she needed to. Hand-to-hand combat would, hopefully, not be needed tonight. Despite years of training, she is still better with a gun.
> 
> Clarke's heart beat fast, adrenaline now rushing through her veins, as she watched a woman in a long gown cross the window. The woman looked back at someone else in the room, speaking quickly. Clarke could make out her bulky diamond earrings through the scope of her rifle.
> 
> _The wife._
> 
> Clarke briefly imagined having that woman’s life. Spending months preparing for one night, rushing around the day of to ensure everything was perfect, schmoozing everyone as they entered her home, and still being judged. The woman must be unhappy with that life. Clarke swallowed feelings of guilt.
> 
> _No distractions._
> 
> A shadow, presumably a man, moved closer to the window. Her heart raced but her body was calm. Clarke peered through the scope. Seconds ticked by as she waited for the target to move into position. Her finger itched to squeeze the trigger.
> 
> Clarke’s breath hitched when she finally spotted him. A tall, handsome, classically attractive American man came into view. She mentally matched him to the pictures she had received just a few days ago. The man’s hand moved from his side to rest at the small of the woman’s back. Clarke was right about her being the wife.
> 
> The man dropped heavily just before Clarke pulled the trigger. It was so fast that she almost missed him falling to the ground. Clarke pulled back to see if it was her finger that pulled the trigger by some chance. A small hole had driven through the glass and killed him.
> 
> There was no way she did it again.
> 
> The bullet did not come from her gun and there was only one other person who knew she would be here tonight.
> 
> “Lexa,” she said through clenched teeth. Her earpiece crackled and she heard the faint sound of breathing. Clarke grinned.
> 
> Clarke pulled her rifle from the rooftop ledge and slid it back into her backpack. Her heart was hammering with fury. Her eyes scanned the nearby rooftops. After spotting her jumping down from a ledge and trying to flee, she took off down the fire escape again.
> 
> This time, Lexa would not get away.

  
"Stop running, Lexa!" Clarke shouted.

She weaved in and out of the cars in the parking garage. Clarke could barely make out Lexa's head now as the woman tried to hide from her. Her feet moved faster, fueled by rage and disappointment, until she could smell Lexa's lingering scent. 

With her gun out in front of her, she moved from car to car. Lexa was close, she knew. As much time as they had spent together made her familiar to Lexa's smell... her sounds.

_Not now._

"Clarke, don't shoot me," Lexa said, her voice echoing so her location was unknown. 

"I'm going to," she said. "I'm going to kill you, Lexa. You... you lied to me! You... dammit, Lexa! You! You're the one who ruined my life and the you lied to me about it!"

"I have apologized over and over again, Clarke," Lexa said, her voice softer now. "I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't do anything but... I didn't have a choice at the time. You have to understand that, at least."

Clarke did. Maybe she truly hated herself more than she hated Lexa. She understood but Lexa had broken free. If only she had broken free of Nia's reign just a year before she did...

It was easy to play the anger role now but she could not help but think... _If Lexa had, Clarke would not know her at all._


	11. Chapter 10 - August 2016

It had taken Clarke a month to recover from being shot in D.C. During her healing time, Octavia and Lincoln visited her often and trained her in computer skills instead of fighting or weapons. Even though she felt a bit stir-crazy, it was a nice break. 

The month off would have been nicer if it was not plagued by one annoying thing. She still had no idea who took the bullet out of her side. Plus, Lexa was not around to ask about it. The woman had never shown up when returning home. A small part of her wondered if Lexa had returned home. Another part of her was hurt that Lexa had seemingly forgotten about her.

Her first session back with Lincoln left her sore and sweatier than she had been in the past six months of sessions with him. Apparently, her body had regressed to pre-assassin Clarke in the short month she had been in recovery. Her side still ached when she stretched it but, other than that, she was ready to get back to normal.

_Normalcy meaning no sex with Lexa._

* * *

Anya had been very, very wrong. Apparently, it was not Clarke who could crush Lexa. It was herself. Never had Anya and Raven seen Lexa so distracted. Not even when Costia had died was Lexa so upset. As terrible as it sounded, this was so much more complicated than her puppy-love relationship with Costia.

"You should tell her the truth," Raven said from the kitchen table. She was putting something together with a ton of wires that Anya cared nothing about but she would rather sit with Raven at the table than share Lexa's icy space on the couch. 

Lexa scoffed. They barely heard it through the food in her mouth. The sound of audience laughter filled the room and Anya's head throbbed. She walked over, grabbed the remote, and shut off the TV. "Hey!" Lexa argued, reaching for it again.

"Don't make use restrain you," Anya said, holding the remote behind her back. "This is an intervention. I have watched enough Seinfeld this past week to quote the episodes. I hate that show!"

"You love Seinfeld," Lexa said. "You've seen every episode!"

Anya groaned, throwing the remote on the couch, and rubbed her temples. "I have no idea what you're feeling right now," she said. "But this is extremely unhealthy. You need to go out... shoot a gun or something."

"Just leave me alone," Lexa said.

She grabbed her bowl of popcorn from the couch and carried it to the kitchen sink. Raven watched her as if she were a bomb ready to go off any second. 

"Go talk to her," Raven tried. "Maybe you can explain it all from your side of things. She's got to understand since she kills for a living."

Lexa shot her a glare. It was unclear if Lexa was upset by Raven saying Clarke kills people or that she should go talk to the blonde. Even if both were true, Lexa was not ready. She was not ready to face the truth.

* * *

Clarke watched the woman across the alley smoke a cigarette on her balcony. For a moment, she considered taking up smoking. It would only make things harder, running and breathing, but the smoke was very hypnotic. She watched it fade into the sky. 

There was no way to know when Nia would come for her again. She was not even sure how she would feel on her next job. Would she be scared? Would she be less inclined to risk herself to complete the job? There would be no way to know until she was there. Getting shot was not fun at all. 

Her door opened and Clarke's eyes snapped to the hallway. Octavia was out of town for the next week and Lincoln had gone to meet up with her for the night. She grabbed the gun from under the chair cushion and pressed herself to the brick wall, out of sight. 

"Clarke?" Lexa asked. "Don't shoot me."

As she clicked off the safety, Clarke made her way into the apartment. She closed the balcony double doors and pulled the curtains closed.

"Good thinking," Lexa said.

She laid a takeout bag down on the kitchen counter and started taking the contents out. Clarke noticed two sub sandwiches this time which made her smile a bit. It only took the woman a year to make good on her promise. 

"I'll be the judge of the dry meat situation this time," Clarke said, taking the sandwich held out to her.

"No, no, Clarke," Lexa started. "You won't find anything wrong with these. These are the best sub sandwiches in America."

Clarke had never heard of the restaurant name written on the wrapper and, after taking a bite, she realized Lexa was right. This was the best sub she had ever eaten. 

"So, where have you been?" Clarke asked. 

They have both moved to the couch to eat. There was an obvious tension in the room that neither were eager to address but they had to start somewhere. Clarke turned to face Lexa and her feet pressed against the woman's thigh. Lexa's avoided looking to where they were touching but the effort to not look was obvious.

_No sex. No sex. No sex._

"I had a lot to do," Lexa said. "I would have come by sooner but..."

"You don't owe me an explanation," Clarke said quickly. Too quickly. "It's not like... you owe me _anything_."

'Oh, how wrong you are,' Lexa thought. She glanced at the TV playing some show, on silent, across the living room. A large part of her wished she were on her own couch and watching her own TV. Maybe then Lexa could actually enjoy sandwiches from her favorite place. 

"How does your side feel?" Lexa asked.

Clarke did not answer for a bit. "Better," she said. "Who took the bullet out?"

"Raven," she answered. "She saw your SOS text and I traced you. I hope it didn't cause any problems."

"No, not at all," Clarke said. "She saved me. I doubt I would've died from it but everyone thinks I did it myself. She's brilliant."

Lexa did not bother taking credit for that particular part of the plan because Raven was, in fact, a genius. The woman could probably perform heart surgery if she had just an hour to prepare beforehand. Hearing Clarke talk about her best friend like that made Lexa proud.

"I went to Phoenix," Lexa admitted. "I went to Phoenix to find out more about your father. That's where I was going when I left you last time."

Clarke was surprised to hear this. Of course, she trusted Lexa to find out what she could about her dad but she had not expected Lexa to fly to Phoenix for her. It made her heart ache a bit.

"What did you find out?" Clarke asked.

Lexa took a deep breath before answering, "I know who killed him."

Clarke sat up on her knees, the food forgotten, as she moved closer to her. Her eyes were so wide and hopeful as they looked at Lexa. Now, it was Lexa's heart that ached.

"Listen, Clarke..." Lexa started. "I..."

Before she could get another word out, Clarke was kissing her. Her legs straddled Lexa's waist and they went on for a while before the blonde finally pulled back.

"Who was it?" Clarke asked. "Who killed him?"

Lexa was not ready to break Clarke's heart. She, at least, wanted one more night with her before Clarke hated her forever. Lexa promised herself that after tonight, she would tell Clarke the truth.

"I took care of it," Lexa said. The lie hurt as it came out.

Clarke smiled before kissing her again. Lexa knew the blonde woman would want a name but, for now, it seemed to be enough for her to think Lexa had killed the person who took her father away. 

After Clarke had fallen asleep that night, Lexa watched her from the other side of the bed. Her face reminded her of Jake's now, more than ever, and Lexa did her best to push his picture from her memory.

Lexa did not want to relive that night. Especially not while she lay in bed with his daughter. But looking at Clarke, all she saw was his face in the scope of her rifle four years ago.

_Lexa killed Jacob Griffin._


	12. Chapter 11 - January 2017

The night was freezing, as it had started to snow a few hours ago, but Lexa had prepared enough to sit out in the weather for hours. Clarke was expected to show up soon. It was the only contact Lexa had with the blonde since finding out she had killed her father. Clarke still did not know anything other than what Lexa had told her and she hoped it stayed that way. It was easier to keep her distance from the blonde. Being with her was impossible now. The guilt was slowly killing her. It was bad enough that she had pressure on both sides from Anya and Raven to ' _tell blondie the truth_.'

Clarke deserved to know who killed her father. Lexa did not deserve the war path the blonde was sure to go on because of it. 

Back then, Lexa had only been following orders. Nia gave them to her and Lexa blindly followed. It was not another year until Lexa would figure out a way to break free. Jacob Griffin had been a big job, as kill jobs had gone then, and Nia had been all too happy to send her best _employee_ to do it. Clarke would never understand.

"I should have known I would find you here," Anya said. 

"I've been thinking about the whole Roan thing," Lexa said. "It would be easier if you and Raven did not come with me. Of course, I'll still have my earpiece in case something goes wrong but it will be easy for me to sneak around without worrying about the two of you, too. I know where he'll be this weekend. Thanks to Raven."

"Yeah, she told me," Anya said, sitting beside her sister. 

"So, I'll head to the island tomorrow," she said, talking fast now. "It'll be easiest when he's asleep, of course, but we both know he never truly sleeps. He's like his mom that way. But I can-"

"Lexa, stop," Anya said. She sighed softly and shook her head. "You can't kill Roan."

"The hell I can't," Lexa said. "Like I was saying, I'll get inside when he's sleeping. After twenty rounds of whiskey shots, he'll probably pass out around five. That will give me plenty of time to hide the body and figure out a way to make sure Nia knows. All of us will have to prepare for Nia's revenge. I'm sure she will come after us with everything she has. Everyone she has, including Clarke."

"Lexa, you can't kill Roan," Anya said again. 

Lexa stared across the street at the door Clarke would, most likely, use. She finally tore her eyes away to stare at Anya. The woman could have sworn she saw a hint of tears in Lexa's eyes. 

"I know," Lexa finally replied. "But it's nice to imagine."

She tore her eyes from Anya who was relieved to hear this. As much as she trusted Lexa to handle herself, Nia would never let Lexa get away with murdering her son. Lexa would never be able to have a normal life again unless they could kill her first. Even if that were possible, Nia had a plan to get revenge should someone kill her. There was a whole team of people on standby for that exact reason. Anya, Raven, and Lexa did not stand a chance against them. 

"I'm not going to do anything to put you and Raven in more danger," Lexa said. 

"I know, Lexa," Anya said. "And I know you feel bad for what you did. Blondie will understand when she knows the truth. It might take her some time but eventually..."

"Eventually what, An?" Lexa asked. "Eventually she gets over it and then we go on to be together and every time she looks at me she doesn't see me killing her father?"

"Well... maybe not exactly like that," she said. "Let's go home, Lex. You're exhausted and Raven wants me to bring her Chinese food."

"No, I'll stay here," Lexa said. "You can go. Take Raven her food. It's fine. I'll be home when Clarke's done."

Just as she spoke, Clarke climbed out of a car and made her way toward the building. Lexa watched her through the binoculars. Just when she thought Clarke was going inside, the blonde turned toward the building she and Anya were currently in. Clarke looked dead at them before starting across the street. 

"What is she doing?" Anya asked. 

"She's coming to find us," Lexa said, taking the binoculars away from her face.

* * *

Clarke had done everything she could think of to get in touch with Lexa. The woman was obviously ignoring her but she could not figure out what she had done to deserve it. It did not make sense that Lexa would begin ignoring her just when she figured out who killed her father. That was the whole reason they had slept together the second time. 

_Well... maybe not the whole reason._

She had no other choice than to make Lexa believe she was doing something dangerous to get her attention. Lexa was predictable that way. Clarke smiled to herself as she walked up the stairs of the building and to the roof.

"You should go, An," Lexa said. "I'll handle this. Take Raven her Chinese while you still can."

Anya smiled at that. "I guess blondie outsmarted you this time, sis," she said, standing. "Maybe you should just bite the bullet and tell her. Bad choice of words."

Just as Anya pulled open the door, Clarke stormed through it. "Thanks, Anya," she said. "Tell Raven thanks for giving Lex the message."

"Sure will," she said before disappearing down the stairs.

Clarke moved closer to her until she could see over the ledge of the roof. She stared down below for a second before smiling at the other woman. 

"You've been ignoring me," Clarke said. "I'm glad this worked."

"I can't believe I fell for it," she admitted. 

"I need to know more about my dad," Clarke said. "I haven't been able to think about anything else. I've... I was so distracted on my last job that I almost missed."

"I saw," Lexa said. 

Something about that made Clarke smile. At first, she had been bothering by Lexa's stalking but now... it was kind of adorable. The way Lexa worried about her made Clarke feel like someone in this world cared. Her parents were not around to do it anymore and not even her friends cared that much. Octavia and Lincoln just saw her as another person to share responsibilities with. 

"Who killed him? Why did they do it?" Clarke asked.

She pulled herself up to sit on the edge of the roof, her back to the road twenty stories down, until Lexa pulled her down. "Let's go somewhere else to talk," Lexa said. "Let's go to a hotel or something. I'll grab us food on the way."

"A hotel?" Clarke asked. She raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to distract me with sex this time."

"No, I just... I don't want to attract attention or something if you get upset or..." she started.

Clarke found herself laughing. Something about Lexa's tense posture and serious tone was amusing. "I'm only teasing you," she said. "We can go wherever you want as long as you tell me everything you know first."

* * *

"Have you ever heard of Cage Wallace?" Lexa asked.

Both of them were sitting on the king-size bed in the hotel room Lexa had rented, under a fake name, for them. They had cartons of food spread between them since Raven's craving for Chinese had spread to them as well. 

"No," Clarke said.

She lifted a piece of chicken to her mouth with chopsticks which made Lexa jealous. Lexa had never been able to master chopsticks.

"Well, the Wallaces' own a huge, private pharmaceutical company," Lexa said. "They're known, at least in the black market world, to do some shady things. The government has never been able to prove it but, naturally, they know Nia."

"Naturally," Clarke repeated. 

"Dante Wallace is Cage Wallace's father," Lexa said. "Dante started the company but gave it to his son five years ago. Cage is way worse than his father. Cage found out about some drug. He named it _Red_ and had his private doctors start testing it. He wanted to be the first pharmacy to sell it."

Clarke was doing her best to keep up with all of this but none of it seemed to relate to her father. The word 'red' triggered something in her brain.

"Wait," she told Lexa, putting a finger up to stop her. "Red... red. My dad told me about Red. He must have mentioned it to me at some point."

"He did?" Lexa asked, surprised.

"Well, in a dream," she said. "I thought he was talking about my blood but he was talking about the drug, Red."

Lexa swallowed thickly. She put her food down, unable to continue pretending to eat, and nodded. "Anyway," she said. "He found it to be extremely addictive and cheap to make. It made people aggressive, too. It was like heroin that made you kill."

"You talk about it like you've done it," she said.

Lexa glanced down at her lap and cleared her throat. Even though Clarke's tone was anything but accusatory, she felt ashamed. "Nia made me," she said. "Wallace paid her to test it on us. Nia needed us to kill anyway, so it was a win-win for her. Anya and I got addicted for awhile. One of Wallace's doctors, Tsing, I think her name was, ran tests on us all the time. If we participated, we got more. You have no idea what it felt like, Clarke. I needed it."

Clarke reached her hand out to touch Lexa's arm. "No, I don't know what that felt like but you did what you had to," she said.

"Well, your dad heard about it," Lexa said. "He was writing pieces about how dangerous the drug was and all the side-effects. Somehow, he knew about the aggression it caused. He was trying to get it destroyed before it could hit the market but Wallace already had people addicted through black market sales. Wallace couldn't risk anyone causing him to lose money. So, he... hired Nia."

Clarke's eyes grew heavy and tears welled up in them but she nodded at her to continue. "Nia had my father killed?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion. "Nia?"

"Yes, Clarke," she said. 

Clarke's head was racing with thoughts of someone, just like her, killing her father. Someone Nia trained and hired to kill him. Someone she paid.

"Who was it?" Clarke asked. "You said you took care of it but... I want to know who it was. I want a name."

Lexa felt like time had stopped. Her breathing grew ragged as she stared at Clarke before her. She was breathtakingly beautiful and a part of Lexa knew she would not see Clarke face like this, without anger at her, for a long time. Maybe ever.

"Clarke, you... you have to understand..." Lexa said, her own heart breaking.

It clicked in Clarke's head and Lexa saw the exact moment it did. Her blue eyes turned black with rage. Clarke roughly pulled her hand away from Lexa's. Their fingers had somehow laced together to hold the other. It was the first and probably last time they would hold hands.

"Tell me it wasn't you," Clarke said. Her voice was deep and angry. She was _betrayed_.

"Clarke," Lexa tried again. She tried to reach out to Clarke only to have her pull away roughly. 

"Say it," she said. 

Clarke stood from the bed and glared at Lexa. She was on the other side of the bed but Lexa could feel the heat coming off her body. Never had she seen someone so angry and devastated at the same time. 

"I would give anything, Clarke, to take it back," Lexa said. "Anything. Tell me what I can do... I'll do anything."

A half-sob and half-scoff erupted from deep within Clarke's body. "I'll tell you exactly what you can do," she said, already halfway to the door. "You can go to hell!"


	13. Chapter 12 - May 2017

Every job Clarke took made her even closer to Nia. Now that she had two years in, Nia fully trusted her. Clarke had, thankfully, not seen Lexa since the night in the hotel room. Lexa had even given up trying to reach her after one month. She doubted the woman even followed her anymore. As much as it had shocked Clarke to her very core, she understood why Lexa had done it. It would be completely hypocritical of her to judge Lexa for something Nia made her do.

"This is completely and I mean _completely_ stupid," Octavia said. "You're going to get killed, Clarke. I'm serious. Nia will kill you."

"Not unless I kill her first," Clarke said. "I'm going to kill her and Cage Wallace."

Clarke could see the fear in Octavia's face. In Octavia's mind, Clarke had sealed her fate when she decided to turn against Nia. Lexa had been against the woman for years now and she was still alive.

As far as Clarke knew, Lexa was _still_ _alive_.

Lexa being alive was a huge part of her plan. She was still not sure what exactly her plan was but killing Nia and Wallace was a huge part of it.

"I understand if you don't want to help me," Clarke said. "I would feel terrible if anything happened to you or Lincoln because of me."

"Well, it wouldn't really be because of _you_ ," Octavia said. "Lincoln's almost thirty. He's the oldest one Nia has. I'm not really sure what that means but... we would kind of like to... maybe get married one day."

Clarke smiled at that. She had no idea either of them wanted to get married, officially. "I call being your maid of honor," she said.

"Done," Octavia replied.

Clarke could tell that answered both of her questions.

* * *

Anya gave Lexa plenty of mourning time. Four months was too long, in her own opinion, to mourn the loss of an _almost_ relationship. Raven had found ways to involve Lexa in her experiments which mostly included doing them in front of the TV and bothering her the whole time. It was nice to hear Lexa's voice even when her and Raven were arguing.

"I was thinking we could go on a vacation," Anya said. "Somewhere with a beach. You'll have to get over Raven whining about a sunburn when she doesn't wear her sunscreen."

"You two can go," Lexa said. "I shouldn't leave when..."

"When what? When Clarke is ignoring you?" Anya asked. "I think you can take some time off."

"And be in Costa Rica when she calls?" Lexa asked as if the idea was absurd. "No way."

"I am _not_ going to Costa Rica," Raven called from the bedroom. "Not again! I don't even think I can go back anyway!"

Anya groaned and threw open the apartment door. "Forget it then!" she shouted at both of them. "You two homebodies might be happy sitting around here all day but I am not! I'll see you both later!"

Raven came out of her bedroom when Anya did not return after a few seconds. She groaned, dramatically, and followed her girlfriend out the door. Lexa was hit by how lucky they were to have such an uncomplicated relationship. Maybe to a normal person it was still complicated but, in their world, Raven and Anya were the luckiest two people she knew.

After an hour of being alone, Lexa's phone buzzed on the coffee table. Only one person dared _text_ her on a burner phone. Her heart immediately began pounding in her chest. It was a bunch of numbers from a random number. It did not make sense to her at all.

"Raven!" Lexa practically shouted into the phone as soon as her friend answered. "I need you to decode a text for me. I'll send it."

"No need," Raven replied. "Clarke wants you to meet her at the hotel in an hour."

"How do you know it's from Clarke?" Lexa asked, rushing to her room to shower and change.

"Because always sends the wrong coordinates to places," Raven said. "You need to teach your girlfriend the proper code. I barely worked out that she meant the hotel."

"I'll let her know," she said before hanging up.

* * *

Clarke was already in the hotel room when Lexa got there. Instead of unlocking the door herself, she knocked. When Clarke pulled the door open, Lexa felt the air leave her lungs. She had to look like a complete idiot.

_But what is Lexa supposed to say to someone whose father she killed?_

Clarke reached forward and pushed Lexa's mouth closed where her jaw hung open. Maybe Clarke had tried a bit too hard to look good before coming here. But the way it distracted Lexa was adorable.

"Please, come in," Clarke said.

Lexa closed the door behind herself and threw her leather jacket on the chair beside the bed. "So... I had a serious thought that you lured me here to kill me," she admitted.

"I considered it," Clarke said.

When Lexa looked up in surprise, Clarke had a small smile on her face. Lexa sighed as she sat on the edge of the bed. "I am so sorry, Clarke," she said. "I know that still doesn't mean anything but I am. If I could do everything over again..."

"You can't," Clarke said. "We can't redo anything but... you can make it up to me. Not the going to hell part but something else. I've changed my mind."

"Anything, Clarke," Lexa said sincerely.

"You can help me kill Cage Wallace," she said.

Lexa had always planned on going after Wallace but that was put on the back burner with Nia still alive. Her first priority was taking out the woman who made all of this possible. The woman who had caused Clarke so much pain. 

"Of course I will help," Lexa said. "I would be happy to do that for you."

"No, not for me," she said. "With me. We could do it together."

Lexa smiled at that. "Together," she said.

"Listen... about my dad," Clarke said. "I know you had no choice. The drugs and _Nia_... I don't know if I can sleep with you anymore. But I do need your help. I will never be able to move on without knowing Wallace is dead."

"I understand," Lexa said. Her feelings came second to Clarke's needs. Lexa knew she would always be the woman who killed her father, in Clarke's eyes, but nothing would stop her from letting Clarke do this alone.

"I really wish you would have told me before you slept with me the last time," she said. "You are _never_ allowed to lie to me again. Do you understand that, Lexa? Never. Promise me."

"I promise, Clarke," Lexa replied. 

They left the hotel room just a few minutes later after making plans to meet later that week. Clarke had a job to do in California tomorrow anyway. When Lexa fell asleep that night, she felt better _and_ worse than she had that morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have been reading this as i post, please go back and reread ch 9 since i changed a few things :)


	14. Chapter 13 - May 2017

Clarke being gone for a few days gave Lexa time to think. Of course Clarke would not want to be with her any more. Lexa understood that but it did not mean her feelings for the blonde were going to go away. In fact, they had only strengthened over the past few months even when Clarke was ignoring her. 

Anya and Raven supported their plans, offering to help anyway they could, which helped immensely. What did not help was their constant suggestion that the two were dating.

"You would think your girlfriend would beg us for our help after everything we've done for the two of you," Anya said.

Lexa was so sick of hearing them call Clarke her girlfriend. She had yet to tell them about the new arrangement since Lexa thought it was none of their business, _or she was too embarrassed_ , but she finally spoke, "She isn't my girlfriend! Okay? You can't say shit like that in front of her either."

Raven barely looked up from her laptop. "Touchy subject, Lex?" she asked.

"No, it's just annoying," she grumbled.

Anya started rubbing Raven's feet that were in her lap. The two of them were lost in each other's eyes for a second and the sight made Lexa unbelievably jealous. 

"Lexa's just worried her girlfriend will start making eyes at us instead," her sister teased. "We will be spending an awful lot of time with her and we are much more interesting than little Lexie."

Something in her snapped. Lexa kicked the coffee table away from the couch, knocking it over, before standing. "Fuck you both!" she shouted. Before she could come up with a rational plan or think about where she could possibly go, she grabbed her keys and slammed the apartment door on her way out.

The two of them sat in silence for awhile, staring at the door. Anya finally sighed. "Damn," she said. "I was... she's been weird since this all started."

"An, I'm sure their... sex stuff is over," Raven said. "You shouldn't have joked like that."

Anya groaned loudly as her head fell back on the couch. "You couldn't have told me this before I made her upset?" she asked. "You know I'm not good at that."

"Good at what? Being sensitive?" she asked. "Yeah, I know."

"Fine, I'll go find Lexa and apologize," she said. "And then I'll be back to finish what you started this morning in the shower."

* * *

It took Anya three hours to find Lexa and two of those hours involved driving two cities over. She checked all Lexa's favorite restaurants to no avail. Thankfully, Raven was able to track her phone. Raven also berated her for not thinking _at all_ when they saw where Lexa was. 

In Anya's defense, Lexa had not visited their mom in years.

Raven had offered to ride with Anya to the cemetery but she knew it would only upset Lexa more. Anya was the only one allowed to see her sister cry. 

Lexa had her back against their mom's tombstone and her legs laid out in front of her. The grass was freshly cut, today by the smell, and the flowers now in the cemetery vases on either side were fresh, too. Lexa must have bought them on the way here. 

"The lilies are gorgeous," Anya said as she sat beside her. She leaned her back against the stone, too, and kept her eyes forward. 

"Mom had a pink lily bouquet in her wedding," Lexa said. "I saw these and they just... looked like those, I guess."

"I'm sorry about the jokes and stuff," Anya said. "It was stupid."

"No, no," Lexa said, sighing. She was now staring down at her hands in her lap. "I mean, it was stupid but... I shouldn't have gotten so upset. We joke like that all the time. It's fine."

"This is different though," she said. "Clarke probably doesn't want to-" Anya stopped and rubbed at her eyes. Raven was right, as always. She was insensitive.

Lexa chuckled, humorlessly. "It's what I deserve," she said. "I killed the most important person in her life."

"That was a bad time in our life, Lex," Anya said. She thought briefly of the feeling when she was given another dose of Red. The feeling was indescribable. It had been the only thing keeping her alive at the time. "You had no way of knowing that one day you would fall in love with one of your target's daughter."

"I guess not," she said. "But... I'm glad Clarke is letting me help her."

"I'll do whatever I can to help you, Lexa," she said. "We'll get him this time."

"I bet Mom smelled good," Lexa said. She had no way of knowing what their mother smelled like but she could now smell Clarke. The blonde always smelled like rosewater and comfort. 

Anya saw Lexa discreetly wipe her eyes. She was never allowed to comment on Lexa's tears either. "Yeah, I bet she did," she replied. 

Before either of them spoke again, both of their phones started ringing. Raven calling the both of them at the same time only meant one thing...

The first shot hit the tombstone beside their mother's which caused cement to splatter all around them. The second shot barely missed the top of their mom's tombstone. Lexa pulled her gun from the holster around her thigh and took a two shots over the stone. Anya, stupidly, had left her own gun in the car.

"Here," Lexa said, noticing her sister scrambling. She handed over the gun in her hand and pulled the knife from her ankle. 

They should have known their mother's grave was rigged. It was probably a pressure alarm system. When someone sat or stood on it, a camera showed who was there. Nia did have people everywhere and now those people were surrounding the sisters.

"Two in the SUV," Lexa said.

Anya leaned around and aimed the gun at the tinted car window of the second car, hoping for the best. The glass shattered which revealed one man in the front seat who was now dead. The car rolled until it slammed into a mausoleum. 

"I'm going around to the other side," Lexa said. "Stay behind here and take out the driver. I'll handle the passenger."

"Lexa, no," her sister said. "You don't even have a gun. You stay here."

Lexa was on her feet and running behind the nearest tree before Anya could stop her. "The driver," she said before she was out of Anya's sight and dodging bullets from the SUV. She weaved between trees and whatever graves were separating her and the car. 

When she was close enough and half hidden, she stopped to line herself up with the person in the passenger seat. She took a deep breath before throwing her knife. It sunk into the man's chest. The more he tried to pull it out, the faster the blood drained. Soon, he was not moving at all. 

Lexa slumped against the nearest tree when both men were dead. Anya ran over to her, fearing she had been shot, and checked her sister quickly. On the way to their own cars, Lexa grabbed her knife from the guy's chest. She wiped it clean on his shirt and secured it back in the holster. 

"I bet she did smell good," Anya said, over the hood of her car. "I bet she smelled like you. Like... home or something."

It was mushy, especially for Anya, but Lexa stood there and watched her sister's car disappear with a smile on her face.


	15. Chapter 14 - June 2017

Clarke accepted the reality that things would be slow. If she was going to take down someone like Nia and then Wallace, her best role model was Lexa who had been trying to kill Nia for about four years now. _Unsuccessfully_. Some of that was definitely Clarke's fault though since she was a real distraction in the other woman's life.

Well... _Lexa_ was definitely a distraction in her own life.

But that was over now. Their relationship was strictly business. Clarke could not bare the thought of Lexa being high as hell and _assassinating_ her father. She knew very well that it was extremely hypocritical but Lexa could not understand how she felt. The only way that would be possible would be if Clarke killed one of her parents. Killing her foster mom definitely did not count.

There was only one thing that she had been putting off since telling Octavia and Lincoln about this plan, too. Neither of them knew she had been... _seeing_ Lexa the entire time Clarke had worked for Nia. There was no way of knowing how they would react but she really did need their help. She needed them to trust her with their lives and be able to trust her's to them. Most of all, Clarke needed to trust them to protect _Lexa_ should she ever need them.

On the way to the restaurant where she planned to meet her friends, Clarke read a text from Lexa. _'We need M on our side,'_ the text read. It took her awhile to figure out what she meant. Lexa meant Monty. They needed Monty on their side. He was the best with technology that any of them knew of. Getting Monty on their side was impossible.

 _'Let's start small,'_ Clarke replied. 

Clarke admired Lexa's tenacity. Whatever was needed to be done, Lexa found a way to do it or she did her absolute best. Everything Clarke had asked of her so far had been done. She was even willing to be in the same room as Octavia and Lincoln even though the two of them, presumably, still wanted to kill her.

 _For Clarke_.

Clarke sat across the table from her friends who were already waiting for her. Lincoln already had a beer that Octavia kept stealing. 

"Why don't you just order your own?" Lincoln asked.

"Because I don't want a beer," she replied before taking a drink of his bottle and placing it in front of him again.

Clarke would miss them if they decided to change their minds about helping her. She also knew that they were the only two people in this world who really knew her which could put Clarke in danger if she had to run from them. If they thought she was making a giant mistake and decided to tell Nia about Lexa and their plan, she would not live long enough to avenge her father's death. They knew all her routines. The both of them had taught her most of those routines.

"I need to talk to you all about something," Clarke said. She looked over the menu, just to have something to do with her hands, and kept her eyes down. "Is there any chance we're bugged or something? It's important."

"None," Lincoln said. "I checked before leaving."

Clarke ordered when the waiter came by and drank half her water before speaking again. Her throat suddenly felt painfully dry. "There's someone else who wants to join us to help," she said. "Someone the two of you already know. It's just.... complicated."

Lincoln and Octavia were staring at her intensely. She could not tell them the name until she was positive they would not try to hurt her.

"I can't risk you two telling anyone," she said. "I trust you both, I do, but... I've been lying to you. There's a really good reason for it."

When the waiter returned with drink refills, Lincoln caught him and said, "I'm gonna need our food to go."

* * *

The entire ride to Clarke's apartment was tense. Maybe it was just because Clarke felt so nervous. Octavia and Lincoln looked like they were busting at the seams to know who she was talking about.

"Promise me you won't try to kill her," Clarke said as they climbed out of the car. "Actually, hand over your guns."

Lincoln scoffed and Octavia laughed.

_It was worth a shot._

Her hands shook as she unlocked the door. On the other side, Lexa waited for them and she knew the woman had to be nervous. She put her trust, her entire life, in Clarke's hands when the woman promised her friends would not try to kill her. It would be easier to have them meet in person, Clarke told herself.

The TV was playing in the living room which confused Clarke. She had not left it on and _why would Lexa turn the TV on?_ Wasn't she nervous?

When they came around the corner of the hallway, Lexa turned her head to smile at them over the back of the couch. "Hi," Lexa said with a wide smile.

Octavia gasped. "No _fucking_ way," she said, stepping halfway in front of Lincoln. 

Clarke had honestly expected Lincoln to be the angry one but the man had gone completely silent. His hand wrapped around Octavia's arm, his large hand wrapping all the way around, and pulled her back. He was angry.

"Look," Clarke said, holding out her hands. She stepped between the couch, where Lexa sat casually, and her friends. "I know this is a shock but... she only wants to help."

"Clarke," Octavia said, her eyes flashing with confused anger. "You can't be serious. Do you even know half the things she's done? Clarke, she's the one who killed your dad!"

Obviously, that was not supposed to be said out loud. Lincoln was scared now, his eyes wide, as he pulled Octavia back and away from Clarke. 

"You knew?" Clarke said. Her voice was low and even despite the sudden need to scream. As she went to step forward, someone's arm wrapped around her waist to hold her back. 

Unlikely she expected, Clarke was now the one ready to kill someone. 

"I have talked about my dad to you so many times!" Clarke shouted. "You never once implied that you knew what happened to him! You... you fucking _bitch_! You knew this whole time and what? You laughed behind my back?"

As Clarke went to step forward, toward Octavia with balled fists, Lexa lifted her from the ground and turned her so she was no longer facing the two of them. She felt a bit better now that she did not have to see the two of them but it did nothing to extinguish the hatred she felt. 

"Maybe we should do this another time," Lexa said, her arm still firmly around Clarke's waist. 

"I will never, ever help you, Lexa!" Octavia shouted. None of them could tell who anyone was really mad at anymore. "And get your hands off of her!"

"Don't you dare talk to her like that," Clarke said. "At least Lexa was honest with me. Well, not at first.... but..."

Clarke pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes to keep the tears at bay. Now was not the time to start crying.

"Let's meet back here tomorrow," Lincoln finally said. "After we all can calm down and talk rationally. Come on, O."

* * *

Neither of them had spoken in two hours. Lexa had asked if Clarke wanted her to leave right after Octavia and Lincoln left but Clarke had shook her head. Now, they sat on the couch watching reruns and scooping chocolate ice cream out of the tub. Clarke was eating the ice cream and Lexa was holding it. The cold had made Clarke's hand numb after the first ten minutes.

"Do you...?" Lexa started.

Clarke's eyes snapped to her's as she waited to hear the rest. Her stomach hurt from all the sugar and dairy but it did not hurt as much as everything else did right now.

"Do you want to talk?" Lexa asked. 

"Not really," Clarke admitted. 

She had no idea what she wanted to say but the last thing she wanted was anyone's sympathy right now. Lexa had already apologized a million times, _close to it anyway_ , and she did not want to hear it again. Of course, Clarke had expected Octavia to react badly. 

Badly towards Lexa. Not badly towards Clarke.

The whole situation was out of control. 

"I'm sure Octavia had good reasons not to tell you, Clarke," Lexa said. "Honestly, I'm _personally_ glad she didn't. You probably would have killed me before I could explain myself."

"I wouldn't have killed you," Clarke said. 

Lexa reached out and grabbed a strand of Clarke's hair that had fallen in front of her shoulder. She wrapped the blonde hair around her own two fingers. Never had someone's hair messed with Lexa the way her's did. She let it fall when she realized Clarke was staring at her, questioningly.

"Enough ice cream," Lexa said, standing. She put the now-almost-gone desert back into the freezer. "Maybe I should just go. I'll be back tomorrow and I'll try to explain myself to them. 

"I'm sorry Octavia reacted that way," Clarke said. 

"No, I deserved it," Lexa said. "You didn't. She's your best friend and she kept something huge from you. You're allowed to react to that however you feel."

Clarke sighed and let her forehead fall to the kitchen island. She groaned, loud and dramatic. "How are we going to get Monty?" she asked, effectively changing the subject.

"I don't know yet," she said. 'But you'll have to do it. I have an idea.... but we aren't doing it. It's too dangerous for you. I'll come up with a better one."

'What is your idea?" Clarke asked.

"It involved you meeting up with Nia and making up a story about someone figuring out who you are and needing Monty to trace them," she said. "It would give you time alone with Monty to feel him out. Maybe he's ready to move on, too."

Clarke stared at her for awhile as it sunk in. "That's the plan we're going with," she said.

* * *

"I'm with Clarke on this one," Raven said. Her response caused another groan from Lexa.

She and Clarke had argued the entire ride to Lexa's apartment. There was no other plan that made sense and stayed as simple as the one Lexa proposed. 

"I am, too," Anya said. She spooned cereal in her mouth and spoke with her mouth full. "It's a good plan, Lex."

"Absolutely not," Lexa said. "What happens if Nia finds something and Clarke is literally within her reach? There will be nothing any of us can do. She will torture her for information and then kill her. Don't say it won't happen because it has before."

Anya and Raven shared a look that Clarke was not privy to. Obviously, something terrible happened that Lexa was thinking of. Even though Clarke knew she could handle her own, Lexa was obviously worried about her. Just as Clarke had been worried about her with Lincoln and Octavia.

"It won't happen, Lexa," Anya said. "Clarke is smarter than..."

Lexa shot her a glare. Clarke suddenly felt like she should not be here for this. It was too personal.

"Don't do that," Lexa said. "Costia was young. She didn't deserve it no matter what. She was confused and... listen, I am not letting Clarke go to Nia and that's the end of it."

"Well, I guess that all depends on Clarke," Raven said. "You can't stop her from doing what she wants. We need Monty on our side if we want this to work. So, either we come up with a new plan or go with yours."

Clarke thought about it for a moment as they all stared at her. "I'm doing it," she said. "I'll get Monty on our side. I'll talk to Nia."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how many chapters this will actually be but i hope you are enjoying the story so far


	16. Chapter 15 - July 2017

Anya was laughing when Clarke entered their apartment. Planning their scheme meant they spent more time together than ever. Lexa was on the couch with her laptop open and Raven was typing something on her own. Anya was leaning over her girlfriend's screen.

"You wanted to be a journalist?" Anya asked, chuckling a bit. 

Clarke laid her bag down on the counter and slid off her jacket. Lexa barely glanced at her as she sat down to see what the woman was working on now.

"Did I laugh at you when you told me you wanted to be a cowboy?" Raven asked.

The sound of Lexa's laugh filled the room which made Clarke laugh. Anya rolled her eyes at Raven before moving to sit beside them on the couch. It was nice spending so much time with them when things were not so tense.

_When they were not worried so much about dying._

The door opened again. This time, Lincoln and Octavia made their way inside. Things were not perfect between the six of them but it was slowly getting better. Octavia and Lexa did not talk directly, not yet anyway, but no one had shot anyone which was a good sign. It had taken a week for them to see the other person's side which required a lot of talking to from Clarke. Lexa did not require as much talking to as Octavia had but she had a feeling Lexa had pretended to be upset just for the alone time. Nothing happened, of course.

Nothing was going to happen between them again.

"Okay, the article is all done," Raven said. "I'll post it in a few days when you're in Maine and close to Nia. It should hit the news outlets in a couple hours. Nia will definitely hear about it then."

"Can I just make it very clear that I completely object to this plan?" Lexa said. "Clarke's face is going to be plaster all over the world. And no one make the argument that she's wearing her bandanna in the picture! Is everyone in this room suffering from temporary insanity?"

"I'm not," Octavia said. "I don't think it's the best plan but it's really our only plan."

Lincoln, Raven, Anya, and Clarke all sucked in a breath as they stared at the two women. Lexa looked over at Octavia across the couch and over Clarke's lap. They just stared at each other for a very long moment.

"Thank you, Octavia," Lexa said. 

When Octavia smiled, even if it was tiny, everyone collectively let out the air held in their lungs. Everything was a bit less tense after that.

* * *

Clarke was doing her best to be sensitive to Lexa's fears. Nia was the worst person in the world to Lexa which meant, of course, she did not trust the woman. _Especially with Clarke._ Everyone was thinking it but no one said anything. 

It was now the day before Clarke left for Maine and Lexa was apparently not letting the blonde out of her sight. She even caught Lexa running into the bathroom door once when she tried to close it. 

"I need you to relax just a bit," Clarke said. She was waiting for the water to boil on the stove. The pasta she bought for her meal was the last thing that needed to be made.

"I am very relaxed, Clarke," she replied, sitting on the counter now. 

"Lexa, you broke a glass in your hand when I asked if I should leave my gun at the hotel," Clarke argued. 

"It was a really stupid question."

Clarke rolled her eyes and let the dry pasta fall into the now boiling water. "You know, I don't have to share my food with you," she said. "You're being mean."

"Sorry," Lexa said. "I'll... I won't bring it up again. This is when Anya would remind me that it was _my own plan_. A thought I seriously regret."

"I don't regret your thought," she said. "It's a good plan. It will work, Lex. You have to trust me."

Lexa grumbled something unintelligible that sounded like ' _Nia I don't trust_ ' that Clarke ignored. She was going through with it no matter what Lexa said. 

They sat on the balcony to eat. It was a warm summer night that reminded her of when she was younger. The excitement of being out of school and weekly bonfires... It was nice to have at least one night like this before things got more intense. It was nice to be doing this with Lexa.

"What happened with Costia?" Clarke asked. It had been bugging her since it was brought up at the apartment. 

Lexa choked, barely noticeable, but played it off easily. She had not been expecting it but Clarke knew it would be good for her to get it out before tomorrow. "I was friends with her when I was young," she said. "Costia found out about Nia's company and she died because of it. Nia tortured her until Costia finally told her she found out because of me and... we were only twelve."

"I'm sorry," Clarke said. "You loved her. You are not the blame for her death. You know that, right?"

"I did not kill her, no," she said. "But she died because of something I told her. Which is similar to this situation. I don't want you to get hurt because of something I said."

"Nothing is going to happen to me," she said. "And if something does, it will be my own fault. You told me _not_ to do it."

"I could try harder to stop you," she admitted. 

"And what would that involve?" Clarke asked. She had not meant to sound so... _flirty_ but it came to her easily in this setting.

The way Lexa eyed her now, her green eyes sparkling in the evening skylight and the small smirk on her face, made Clarke's heart sing. Everything about the way she looked right now spoke to Clarke. 

"Don't do that," Lexa finally said. "Not when you made up the ground rules."

At least she had the decency to feel bad about it. "Sorry," she said. "It's just hard to... not think about... before."

Lexa hummed. She looked out over the railing and put her feet up on the metal. Her eyes were half-closed and Clarke imagined that she was thinking of their nights together. Like she was.

Clarke stood without thinking too much about it and straddled Lexa's thighs. She sat on her lap before her hands moved up to the sides of Lexa's neck. Luckily for her, Lexa's hair was half-down which was Clarke's favorite look on her. 

"I know what I said," Clarke whispered. "But we need to forget about tomorrow and..."

"Only if you are absolutely sure," Lexa said softly, keeping her eyes on Clarke's and not letting them fall. 

Clarke leaned forward to kiss her. It was slow and full of whatever unspoken words lingered between them. For the first time all week, neither was thinking of tomorrow or what could happen after. They were focused on the other and, with difficulty, not thinking of what this meant for their personal futures. It was not worth ruining the moment they had together. Clarke and Lexa focused solely on the night to come.

* * *

Lexa was awoken by a siren from the street below. When she became more aware, she could feel a weight on her chest that had nothing to do with the danger they were all constantly in. Clarke's face was pressed to her neck and arm tight around her waist. It was innocent and adorable and... _Clarke_. The weight of the other woman on her felt natural. It felt amazing.

_It felt like love._

* * *

"When did you start fucking Lexa?" Octavia asked from the driver's seat.

Lexa and Anya had agreed that Octavia should drive her just in case the adrenaline distracted her from the road. Clarke had fiercely avoided eye contact with Lexa as she packed the car in fear she would feel the need to kiss her goodbye or something equally stupid. The brunette had checked and re-checked her bags for all her weapons and Clarke was pretty sure she even saw Lexa put a knife in her bag. She had never been trained to use one.

"Excuse me?" Clarke asked, covering her shock.

"You heard what I said," she said. "When did you and Lexa start sleeping together?"

Clarke sighed. "I guess the first time was awhile ago," she said. "It's only happened three times since we met."

"So... you've been seeing her behind our backs?" Octavia asked. "I guess I'm not really surprised but... when was the first time?"

"Last May," she said. "Just after she threatened Roan. I went over stop her."

"Well, seems like it worked," the other woman said. 

"The other time was just before I found out that she killed my dad," Clarke said. "She told me she knew who killed him and that she handled it and I was just so thankful. It sounds stupid now but... I can't be too mad at her. We did decide to stop the physical things. Last night was a one off thing. She was freaking out about today."

"Seems like she really cares about you," Octavia said. "The past month all I've been listening to is her complain about sending you to see Nia. I'm sick of it honestly. I've seen the things you can do. You'll be fine."

"Thanks but Lex hasn't seen all of that like you have," she said. "She's only seen me shooting. Only a few times since she keeps taking my shots."

"She does what?" Octavia asked. "What do you mean?"

"Lexa will sometimes... figure out my jobs and beat me to it," Clarke said. "She mentioned once about the weight of death like you did forever ago."

This seemed to surprise her best friend. She was not sure which part of it surprised her but Clarke knew it was a shock to find out someone had intercepted messages. Only someone will a lot of training could do that which obviously meant Raven was involved, too. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier," she said. "It was impossible to explain at the time."

"I get it," she said. "We all do crazy things for people we love, I guess."

Clarke was not sure who she was talking to but it was easier to think that Octavia was talking about loving Lincoln.


	17. Chapter 16 - July 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a long update for you, thanks for sticking with me

The situation really did not hit Clarke until she was standing outside of Nia's _apparent_ home. It was the address one of her right-hand men sent to Octavia when she told them Clarke needed to see her. Now that she was parked in front of the seemingly normal suburban house, she was feeling rather panicked. More than anything, she wanted to call Lexa just to hear her voice. The thought was annoying and distracting when so much was on the line.

Clarke made her way up the steps and knocked. Security cameras turned toward her, someone inside was obviously controlling them, before the door opened. A girl with black hair stood before her. Clarke had never officially met this girl but Anya had forced her to memorize all of their names. 

The thought made her think of Lexa because of how upset she got when Anya smacked her for getting an answer wrong.

"Ontari," she greeted. 

The woman's icy stare was enough to take someone down without a weapon. Clarke had met Nia once but she was very much not looking forward to doing it again. 

"Clarke," Ontari said as she moved aside to let her in.

Once she was inside, Clarke was no longer in the suburbs. A few people were scurrying around but her eyes went to the enormous amount of technology that was everywhere. Computers, TV screens, phones, and things she had never used before. It was intimidating.

"Right this way," Ontari said, walking past the staircase and down the hall. 

Clarke could have sworn she saw Roan move from one room to another but could not be one hundred percent sure. All she knew of Roan were things other people had told her but she knew that he was not his mother. Roan seemed to have a heart that was not made of ice.

The second Clarke laid eyes on Nia, her skin crawled. This woman was the reason her father was dead and Clarke wanted nothing more than to choke her until she was dead, too. Nothing could be rushed though. Rushing would mean her own death and that could not be afforded. Lexa would get herself killed trying to get revenge.

_When did I start assuming Lexa would die for me?_

"Clarke," Nia said.

The room they were now standing in was large and freezing cold. Nia, for whatever reason, wore a fur coat and sat in a large chair that looked more like a throne. Maybe it was supposed to. There were two men, one on either side, of her. They wore large guns and Clarke noted the knifes in holsters on her thighs. They looked exactly like the knife Lexa slipped into her bag. It must be one thing Lexa still used from their training.

All of the people on Nia's team had various scars on their faces and bodies. It made them look even more intimidating. Clarke briefly wondered if Nia scarred the ones who worked so closely to her on purpose. Maybe it was some kind of sick show of power.

"You requested to see me," Nia said. She waved Ontari off and the woman closed the heavy door behind herself.

"Yes," she said. "Someone managed to get a picture of me. They mentioned in the article about wanting to update with more information about me. I would like Monty to help me find the person who wrote it."

Nia seemed to think about it for awhile, just staring at Clarke. She had a feeling Nia was trying to make her crack under the stare. Clarke had been fully prepared for this though. 

"Yes," she finally said. "Monty is busy right now but he will find you when he is done."

Clarke chewed on the inside of her cheek, trying not to get anxious or angry. "Do you know when that will be?" she asked. "I didn't plan on staying in Maine for too long."

"What is it you desperately have to get back to?" Nia said, evilly. 

She had obviously struck a nerve with Nia. Lexa and Anya had warned her about giving away any information that Nia could use against her. 

"Nothing," she said. "Just my usual training with Lincoln and Octavia."

"You should not be training any longer," Nia said. "You are a natural, Clarke. I'll send Monty when he is free and you'll stay here until that is."

There was no point in arguing further with the threat of two men who could surely crush her with their bare hands. The longer she was here, the bigger chance Nia would find out something to use against her.

The longer she was here, the longer Nia was thinking about Clarke. 

"I hope you have not begun dating someone, Clarke," Nia said, just as Clarke turned around to the door. 

Clarke had the feeling Nia could hear her heart pounding now. "I'm not," she said. She did not wait another second before exiting the room.

* * *

Clarke rode back to the hotel in silence. The look in Nia's eyes when they made eye contact was terrifying. She just hope Nia's believed her when she said she was not seeing someone. 

She had a very bad feeling about it.

Clarke unlocked the door and threw her bag on the table by the door.

"How did it go?" Lexa asked from the bed.

"What the fuck?!" Clarke shouted. Her hand reflexively moved to the gun in her bag until she came to her senses. "Lexa? What the hell?"

"Sorry! Sorry," she said, holding her hands up. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just had to make sure you got back okay."

Clarke walked over, grabbed Lexa by the arm, and started pulling her toward the door. "You have to go," she said. "I'm serious. Leave. Nia thinks I'm seeing someone and I bet someone will be around to watch me soon. You seriously have to leave and not come back."

"Clarke, what?" Lexa asked as she was being pushed out the door. "She thinks what?"

"Goodbye, Lexa," she said. "Go back home and stay there. I'm serious."

The way Lexa looked at her made Clarke want to drag her back inside and keep her in bed until she was smiling again.

"Babe, wait-" Lexa started.

Clarke froze and the other woman's cheeks flushed bright red. The pet name was an obvious mistake by Lexa and Clarke was not sure if that made her feel better or worse. Lexa opened her mouth to, Clarke assumed, take the name back but before she could get anything out, Clarke closed the door in her face.

* * *

Raven and Anya knew something was wrong the moment Lexa got back to their apartment. Neither wanted to ask since Lexa seemed completely unwilling to share it on her own and they figured she needed some time to work through whatever she was feeling.

"Monty still hasn't gone to her hotel room," Raven said, switching over to the hotel cameras.

"Do we have any idea when he's going to?" Anya asked. She looked over at her sister. "Lex, do you know about when he'll be there?"

"No," she called from her bedroom. "I didn't even talk to her. I made sure she got back and then left."

"Should I ask why you're lying?" Anya asked. "Rae and I watched you on the cameras talk to her."

Lexa groaned as she walked down the hall. "She kicked me out," she said. "Clarke didn't tell me anything. Well, she told me that Nia thinks she's seeing someone and then she kicked me out."

"That's not good, Lexa," Anya said. "She knows Clarke is seeing you?"

"We aren't seeing each other!" Lexa argued. "And... surely Clarke would have told me if Nia thought it was me. Right?"

By the looks on Anya and Raven's faces, they were not sure Clarke would tell her.

* * *

Lincoln arrived at their apartment after his workout the next day. Octavia still had not made it back from Maine and he had a feeling Nia had assigned her something while she was already out. Raven glared at him when he carried his takeout bag inside and closed the door. 

"What?" he asked when she did not speak up about what was bothering her. "I brought food for you, too."

"Oh, good," Raven said, relieved. She stood with a smile and took the bag from his hand. 

Anya pat him on the shoulder as she passed behind him and took her own food from Raven's hand. Lexa emerged from her room only by the mention of food. She had not eaten since the day before.

"Any news?" she asked, stretching. 

"Nothing," Raven said with her mouth full. "Clarke hasn't left the room since she kicked you out yesterday."

"Oh, you mean when you called Clarke 'babe?'" Lincoln asked. He was pulling a plate out of their cabinet as he spoke. 

Lexa groaned, blushing, as Raven and Anya both spoke up at the same time, "She did what?"

Lincoln froze, knowing he had done something wrong, and looked around at all of them. "Umm..." he said as Lexa glared. "Dammit, Octavia. I told her not to tell me anything else that I wasn't allowed to say."

Raven snickered at that. Anya turned to face her sister who was suddenly very busy unwrapping her food. Her hands shook as she did.

"Lexa," Anya said, drawing it out dramatically. "Have something you want to share?"

"No," she replied. "It's not a big deal. It slipped out. She was mad and I left. It doesn't matter."

That night, Raven and Anya lie in bed with the sheets pulled over their naked bodies. Anya was more distracted than usual but Raven was used to it by now. The woman was always thinking of a million other things while they had sex. Anya did not do it in a mean way. It was just impossible for her to quiet her mind.

"I feel bad for Lexa," Anya finally said. "Things are so complicated and annoying and stupid. As soon as Nia and Wallace and whoever else we have to kill are dead, I'm locking the two of them in this apartment alone for a week. Well, maybe not this apartment since I would really rather be the only person fucking on the counters but somewhere. They are going to make up for all of this and... I don't know. Be together like they should be."

Raven rolled over, as well as she could without her leg brace, and smiled at her girlfriend. "You big softie," she said. "After this is done, they'll work it out."

"I really hope so," Anya said. 

An alarm went off from the kitchen and Anya was up immediately. She pulled on a robe and ran to the kitchen. Lexa was already there, probably still awake on the couch, and staring at Raven's computer screen. 

"Monty's there," she said quietly, sitting in the chair Raven was usually occupying. 

Raven made her way into the room minutes later once her brace was back on and knocked Lexa from the chair. "Hey!" she protested from the ground.

"You want to hear their conversation or not?" Raven asked, typing away now.

"You can do that?" Lexa asked, surprised.

Raven scoffed. "Why do you hurt me so?" she asked. When two voices came out of the speakers, Lexa could have kissed her. 

"Raven, I love you," Lexa said. She had never loved the woman more than she did right now, that was true.

"Tell that to your girl when she gets back," Raven said to which Lexa could only try and stutter out a response before Anya covered her mouth.

* * *

"I only have the name but I doubt it's his real one," Clarke said once Monty's computer was booted up on the hotel desk. 

He had tons of equipment just in case they needed it and Clarke had know idea what most of them did. Raven would probably be jealous of his stuff though. The woman really was a genius.

"I'll do what I can," he said. "Write the name down here. I can only stay for about an hour but I'll work on it at home, too."

"Is Nia's house your home?" Clarke asked.

Monty paused for a moment and glanced at her before typing again. "Why?" he asked.

"Just curious," Clarke said. "I don't have anywhere I would call home, so it just surprised me."

"Oh," he said, sounding relieved. "No, I don't live with her."

They sat in silence for awhile as Clarke tried to work out her next moves.

_How does someone casually bring up risking their life to kill their boss?_

Clarke watched him for a moment, noticing the way he was sweating just from being in her presence, and could tell he was terrified. Why? Maybe it was her best bet to figure out what he was so scared of. Clarke had never done anything to make him nervous. She grabbed a pen and paper. 

'Are we bugged right now?' Clarke wrote.

It seemed like he was going to ignore that until he finally nodded, just barely, but the eye contact told her it was the answer she expected. It was proof that Monty trusted her at least a little bit. 

'Did someone tell you to look for something while you're here?' Clarke wrote.

A nod.

'What?' 

Monty picked up the pen this time. 'Your phone records,' he wrote.

Clarke had forgotten to get a new phone before coming here. It would be easy for him to get into the burner she had laying on her nightstand from his genius computer. She remembered sending Lexa a few nondescript texts but one had said something about 'getting M on their side.' It would not take a genius to figure that one out.

Clarke's face paled.

* * *

They were very much ignoring what happened in the hotel room by distracting themselves with all the things they had to do. Clarke had finally been allowed to leave Maine after seven days of being trapped in that tiny hotel that did not even have decent bed sheets. Monty had been back twice which gave her plenty of time to work him over. 

"Apparently, Monty got caught hacking into a government site which was supposed to be impossible," Clarke said. All her friends were sitting around and asking question after question about her time in Maine. "Nia recruited him by getting him out of jail but he didn't want to help her. So... Nia found out he had a boyfriend and he's locked up somewhere. We'll have to get him out if we want Monty's help. I told him it would be no problem."

"You said what?" Anya asked. "Like we needed to add something else to our to-do list. Clarke, we already have too much to do."

Clarke frowned at that and folded her arms, defensively, across her chest. "You would rather Nathan stay captured?" she asked. "And you would rather not have Monty's help?"

Anya groaned and rubbed her eyes for a bit. Raven eventually slapped her arm, hard. "Of course not," she finally said. "And we do need Monty. It's just... you know this is going to take a long time, right? It could be years."

"I know," Clarke said. She glanced at Lexa whose ears had gone a shade of pink. 

_Years of spending so much time with Lexa would surely drive her insane._


	18. Chapter 17 - March 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: some blood talk if you're sensitive to it

"Stop running, Lexa!" Clarke shouted.

She weaved in and out of the cars in the parking garage. Clarke could barely make out Lexa's head now as the woman tried to hide from her. Her feet moved faster, fueled by rage and disappointment, until she could smell Lexa's lingering scent. 

With her gun out in front of her, she moved from car to car. Lexa was close, she knew. As much time as they had spent together made her familiar to Lexa's smell... her sounds.

_Not now._

"Clarke, don't shoot me," Lexa said, her voice echoing so her location was unknown. 

"I'm going to," she said. "I'm going to kill you, Lexa. You... you lied to me! You... dammit, Lexa! You! You're the one who ruined my life and the you lied to me about it!"

"I have apologized over and over again, Clarke," Lexa said, her voice softer now. "I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't do anything but... I didn't have a choice at the time. You have to understand that, at least."

Clarke did. Maybe she truly hated herself more than she hated Lexa. She understood but Lexa had broken free. If only she had broken free of Nia's reign just a year before she did...

It was easy to play the anger role now but she could not help but think... _If Lexa had, Clarke would not know her at all._

The thought made her incredibly sad.

Lexa gave her the subtle sign she had been waiting for. They held their eye contact for a moment too long before she had to do it. She had to continue with their plan. There was definitely someone listening through Clarke's Bluetooth piece just as Monty had planned for. Just as Monty had set up for Nia to hear everything.

Clarke lifted her gun, aimed it at Lexa's chest, and pulled the trigger.

* * *

Clarke handed her Bluetooth piece over to Octavia. Things were too quiet now. Lincoln sped off in the SUV. As soon as they were safely away from the site and not being traced, Lincoln stopped so Octavia could place the speaker under the tire. Once it was completely smashed, both girls got back into the car and he rode off. 

* * *

Lexa was dizzy and feeling faint from blood loss. Thankfully, Anya was here with her. She reached for her hand and Anya did not pull away as she usually would.

"Almost done, Lex," she said.

Raven slipped the needle from Lexa's arm once they had taken enough blood. Anyone would think she had really been shot. They let the blood pour all around the area behind the car where Clarke had supposedly shot her. Things, surely, looked perfect from the parking garage cameras just as they planned. 

Once they crawled out of sight of the camera Monty had hacked, they walked down the steps. Everything had been planned perfectly. No cameras in the stairwell or outside the surrounding buildings. Raven had checked, at least, fifty times before tonight. 

After all, Lexa fake dying was a huge part of their plan.

* * *

"Lexa!" Clarke said, running at her as soon as Anya parked the car. She threw her arms around the woman's neck until Lexa grunted in pain. "I'm sorry. Let me see it. How bad is it?"

"It isn't too bad," Lexa said. 

When Clarke reached out to touch her chest, where the bullet had hit the Kevlar vest under her shirt, she winced. "Liar," Clarke said. "Let's get inside so I can see it. By the way, you took my shot. I thought we agreed on me killing Cage."

"I couldn't help myself," Lexa said. "I was going to be there anyway and it was more of a reason for you to be mad at me. I'm sure Nia bought it. Everything was perfect."

Finally, after two years, they were finally able to complete the first major stage of their plan. Cage Wallace was now dead.

"You really did it, Lexa," Clarke said with a wide smile. "You killed him."

"It's the least I can do after everything I have put you through," Lexa said. "If your dad hadn't of died, you wouldn't have had to raise yourself and steal to keep yourself alive. You wouldn't be here at all. You would not be in danger all the time if it was not for me. For Cage and Nia, too."

"Lex," Clarke said, her hands moving to either side of Lexa's face. She admired her for a long moment. "Don't do that. I wish my dad were alive, yes, but something good did come from all of this. This whole plan and Nia and everything. I met you."

Lexa wanted so badly to kiss her. For two years, they could barely be in the same room due to Clarke being constantly watched and Nia putting a million dollar reward on Lexa's head. 

But after tonight, Nia would _hopefully_ think that Lexa was dead. She already did if their plan worked.

"We have a big day tomorrow," Lexa said, her hand covering Clarke's still on her face.

"Can't we just... _be_ tonight?" she asked. "Forget about Nia and Cage and Monty and Nathan and even Raven and Anya. It's just us now." 

Finally, Lexa realized everyone had dispersed to give them time alone. Clarke grinned when she saw the realization cross Lexa's face. No one read her like Clarke did and that made her infinitely happy. 

"I don't want to go get Nathan tomorrow without you knowing exactly how I feel about you," she said. "Please, Lexa. I know we had this plan to-"

Lexa's lips on her's stopped Clarke from continuing. Kissing Lexa after such a long time was an indescribable feeling. She felt desperate for it. Nothing had ever scared her more than aiming her gun at Lexa. It was always a part of the plan for Clarke to ' _kill_ ' Lexa but she had no idea it would feel so real. It worked so well since Clarke was supposed to hate her anyway. Their argument was scripted, of course, but the words still hurt to say to her.

"I can't," Lexa said after a moment. "Clarke..."

"What's the matter?" she asked. "I... I thought you would be happy about killing Cage and that we could finally spend a night together without..."

"No, no," she said. "I do want that. I do. But... we have so much to do tomorrow. I promise that after tomorrow, it will _always_ just be you and me, okay? I promise."

"Can't we at least sleep in the same bed?" Clarke asked with a pout. 

"Of course," Lexa said softly, moving hair from the blonde's face to behind her ear. "Come on."

* * *

Lexa watched Clarke sleep for awhile. The blonde was only able to rest after taking a sleeping pill and Lexa running her fingers over her back for a long time. She could tell it had turned Clarke on by the continuous movement of her hips but Lexa did not give in. Finally, Clarke fell asleep.

Lexa wondered what Clarke dreamed about. That was something normal couples discussed. They had never been a normal couple. They have never been a couple at all. The past four years had been terrible and amazing all at the same time. She and Clarke had gotten close, hated each other, loved each other, and killed for each other. Tomorrow, it would all end. She desperately wished she could be falling asleep with Clarke's naked body against her own and listening to Clarke's little satisfied sounds. It would have only made things worse for Clarke after tomorrow because...

_Lexa knew she would, most likely, not survive the day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if you freaked out for a moment


	19. Chapter 18 - March 2019

Just like every other morning when they fell asleep together, one woke up without the other. This time, it was Clarke who woke without Lexa at her side. She briefly wondered if she would ever wake up alone again after today. If Lexa killed Nia as planned, they could finally live the life they wanted. Lincoln and Octavia had taken care of her revenge crew. No one would come after them once she was dead if everything went to plan.

Clarke padded into the living room with her pajamas still on and rubbing her sleepy eyes.

"You should already be dressed, Clarke," Lexa said, firmly. "You slept through like four of the alarms."

Clarke paused and looked up at her. The woman was fretting around the room. She was dressed in all black and already had holsters wrapped around her upper thighs to hold all her knives. Normally, that outfit would turn her on. Right now, Lexa was pissing her off too badly to focus on anything else.

"Lexa," she said, trying not to be too annoyed. She wondered what happened to her _sweet Lexa_ in the past eight hours. "It's seven in the morning. We don't have to leave until eight."

"Changes of plans," Lexa said, shoving her laptop in a duffel bag. "Anya's getting me in five minutes and Lincoln will get you in twenty."

Clarke's head was spinning. Lexa was being annoying and everything she had to do today was hitting her. Everything Lexa had to do today hit Clarke, too. That was the scariest part.

A horn honked down below which was Lexa's cue. Clarke watched her finish packing the bag. A huge part of her wanted to cry. 

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Lexa said, starting for the door.

Clarke wanted to scream at her. She wanted to shake Lexa until the woman made her stop, holding her tight, the way that only Lexa could do. Only Lexa could actually overpower her if Clarke wanted something. 

Clarke wanted to ask what she had done wrong. _She would fix whatever it was._

Before Clarke could get any of that out, Lexa was gone. 

* * *

Her body screamed in protest the further she moved away from Clarke. Lexa's heart tore into a million pieces, one for every unsaid word, as she left her for what would probably be the last time.

Somewhere in her brain, this made sense. It would be easier for Clarke to move on with her life if this was their last encounter. No sex and her being short with the blonde.

Lexa had taken so many lives that it made sense for her's to end this way.

It made sense that Lexa would have to leave the person who finally made her feel _whole_.

* * *

The morning went by quickly. Clarke rode, mostly, in silence to Maine. It was freezing cold there right now but they did not have the capacity to wear heavy coats. They did not own furs like Nia and her crew had. 

"You'll figure out a way to tell me if Raven sends you anything, right?" she asked. "I want to know right away."

"We promise, Clarke," Octavia said. "Anya promised she would text whenever she could. Look, I know you're freaking out about your girlfriend challenging Nia but-"

"Not my girlfriend," she said through clenched teeth.

"-you have to focus on Nathan right now. Monty's ready to go whenever Nathan is free, okay? Everything depends on him getting out."

"I know, Octavia," Clarke said. "I know. I'll get him out and then we can head over to help Lexa. Even if she is being a big dumb jerk."

Neither of them even questioned her and chose to focus on the upcoming tasks. 

* * *

Everything had happened so fast. Lexa had barely gotten out of the car when they were surrounded. Even Raven had to take someone out with her emergency gun. Anya made it very clear that Raven had to carry it if they were going to bring her along. Lexa knew her sister despised the idea of Raven killing someone but it was a necessary evil. 

Nia obviously knew they were here now. Thinking she was dead had lowered Nia's guards. She thought Lexa was finally done hunting her. Quite the opposite, Lexa thought. Word had spread fast by the amount of gasps they had heard from the three men as the car doors opened. That was before they were dead. Lexa grabbed her knife from one of the men's chest were she had thrown it as he tried to run back into the warehouse. Thankfully, this had happened in an alley where no one would find the bodies for awhile. 

Lexa wondered what Clarke was doing right now. Hopefully, they had made it to Maine safely.

She spotted Roan first. He stood in front of the doorway with a gun pointed right at her. Clarke pointing a gun at her felt so much worse somehow. 

"You made a huge mistake coming here," he said. Something caused his finger to pause before pulling the trigger. Anya was standing in front of Raven and holding her close. Bringing Raven along was not Lexa's idea of a good plan. The woman was slower than they were and she knew Anya would spend the whole time worrying about her. 

"If you were going to kill me, Roan, you would have done it already," Lexa said.

Lexa knew that Roan had always felt something for her. Since Lexa and Anya moved in with them, Roan took to the brother role easily. He had been an only child before they came along and he liked having two sisters. When Nia started fostering Ontari, he had no relationship with her like he had with them. But Nia was his mother and he loved her more than anything in the world. He did everything for her.

His gun lowered but his eyes remained on her. "I was wondering when you would show up," Roan said. "I knew she didn't kill you. Mom knew it, too."

"Yeah, well," Lexa started. "We only had four years to come up with a decent plan."

"She's going to kill you, you know?" Roan said but it sounded more like a question. 

"I know, Roan," Lexa said, keeping her eyes on him.

Lexa Woods was anything but weak. She would go down proud of everything she had done. Maybe there was just one thing she would change but it was too late now. Clarke was miles and miles away.

"I want a fair fight with her," Lexa said. "No guns. Nobody helping. Just her and me. She's wanted to kill me for five years now. I'm sure she can respect that."

"I am an old woman, Lexa," Nia said, appearing behind Roan.

Two men flanked her on both sides and then there was suddenly four people surrounding the three of them. Two people grabbed Anya and two people grabbed Raven. Both of the woman struggled in their arms but neither could break free.

"You shall fight Roan," Nia said, placing her hand on her son's shoulder.

Lexa noticed the look on Roan's face. He knew that this would end with him killing his foster sister or himself dying. But he had no choice. It is what his mother wanted and that somehow made it very important. 

"To the death," Nia added for emphasis.

"On one condition," Lexa said. "You do not hurt Raven or Anya. They did nothing. Everything was my idea and... if I die, I want your word that they will be released."

"Those two are not my concern, Lexa," Nia said. "You know that it is you that I want dead. They went along with whatever stupid idea you had in your pea-sized brain."

Lexa looked at Roan and nodded. "To the death," she confirmed.

* * *

Some weird kind of arena had been set up in the largest room of the warehouse. It was empty, concrete but it felt crowded with the amount of people who gathered to watch. It felt surreal to be in the same room as Nia and them both be alive. She pulled her hair back. 

"Don't you dare hesitate to kill him, Lexa," Anya said. "I know you care about him but it's him or us. I'm not losing you today, okay? I really have no intention of telling Clarke..."

"I get it, An," Lexa said before she could go on. "I'll do my best. I would like to go home to her."

If Lexa's plan worked, she would surely not make it home to Clarke. She pulled a note from the back pocket of her jeans. 

"You'll give this to her," Lexa said, holding it out to her sister.

"No, you'll give it to her yourself when we get home," Anya said with tears in her eyes as she fiddled with one of Lexa's knives. It was the first time she had _ever_ seen her sister cry.

Lexa held it out to Raven now. "Please," she begged.

Raven took the note with a small, sad grin and put it in her own pocket. She hugged Lexa quickly. "Thank you for loving her," Lexa whispered to the woman before she could let go. Raven held her tighter for a brief moment.

When Lexa turned around to face her foster brother. There were words he wanted to say, Lexa knew, but Nia yelled 'Fight!' and everything else was forgotten.

* * *

Clarke was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Nathan was now in the backseat of their car with her. She could not even remember how they had managed it now but it did not matter. Lexa had been on her mind all day. She was all Clarke could think about.

"Lexa is fighting Roan," Octavia said. "To the death."

Clarke had never in her life heard anything medieval and cripplingly _terrifying_. 

* * *

Lexa could feel blood running down her arm from the cut Roan had managed to get on her. Thankfully, it was not too deep and did not cripple her at all. Lexa had managed to cut him a few times, being sure to not kill him, and kept him moving. The people in the crowd were cheering with every swing and stab. A part of her was surprised no one had not just outright shot her to death. 

_Would Nia still give them one million dollars?_

While she was distracted, Roan had managed to get her good in the side. The white hot pain spread through her body but the worst part was him pulling the knife out of the wound. Blood spilled from it immediately. The pain had caused her to fall over and he was above her before she could think. Just as he brought his knife down, she gathered the strength to dodge it.

Like some kind of sick joke, Clarke moved to the front of the crowd then. Lexa's eyes met hers just as Roan came at her again. The look in Clarke's eyes was enough warning for her to move which she did. As he moved closer, she tripped him. Lexa stood over him and her heart pounded. He knew that he was finished now.

"Get it over with," Roan said in his thick, deep voice.

Lexa was suddenly eight years old again and Roan was sneaking her food after his mom fell asleep. Lexa was tired from practicing fighting all day and Nia would make her go to sleep without eating most days.

Her plan had worked. She had defeated Roan and all she needed to do was finish it. Once it was done, someone would surely kill her for it. 

Lexa raised the knife, wishing Clarke could not see anything, and threw it. Every person in the crowd gasped when it sunk into Nia's chest and knocked her back into her chair again. No one spoke as the light faded in her eyes and Lexa prepared for the shot someone would surely take on her. After all, these are her most loyal.

Instead of the sound of gunshots, all she heard were cheers and the sound of Clarke crying into her neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last chapter will be an epilogue
> 
> writing this story has been so fun


	20. Epilogue - September 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it is epilogue time
> 
> thank you for your support, i love you

"This is the scariest day of my life," Octavia said. "I mean... I know I'm doing the right thing but shouldn't I be scared when I know I am ruining someone's life forever?"

"What the hell are you talking about, O?" Clarke asked. "You are not ruining Lincoln's life. Lincoln loves you more than anything in the world and now you two get to spend forever together."

"We could have done that without the marriage part," she grumbled.

Clarke's hands froze where they were fixing her best friend's hair. She had fully expected the usual wedding nerves but this was getting ridiculous. 

"If you don't want to get married, everyone will understand," Clarke said. "No one is making you get married."

Octavia sighed, a happy sigh, and smiled at her in the mirror. Clarke resumed what she was doing to her hair. Something about her still seemed sad. 

A knock on the door made her stop and go unlock it. Lincoln had his a hand over his eyes, so he could not see Octavia in fear of bring them bad luck. "I have a surprise for you, O," she said. "Wherever you are." Out from behind the large man came a slightly smaller but tall guy. He had dark hair. 

"Bell!" Octavia shouted and ran for her brother. She threw her arms around Bellamy, whom Clarke had only heard of before today, and giggled, happily. "Lincoln, oh my god. I love you." 

She only let Bellamy go to kiss her almost husband. As soon as she had, Octavia went back to hugging her brother.

* * *

The reception was small, intimate, and at their apartment. Lincoln and Octavia did not live too far from every one and decided to have a part after the ceremony. Lexa found Clarke in the kitchen, making Raven her next drink, and she pressed her girlfriend's hips to the counter. Lexa nibbled on Clarke's neck until the blonde was giggling.

"Lexa, stop," she said but did not at all mean it. If there was not a small crowd and if they were not at someone else's apartment, Clarke would drag Lexa to bed and not let her out until sundown the next day. She fully planned on doing exactly that as soon as they got home tonight.

"You just smell so good, babe," Lexa said, sniffing her dramatically. "And you look so pretty. You cried tonight."

"I just love weddings," Clarke admitted. "And I love our friends."

They both looked out at the living room where their friends were laughing and dancing and drinking. Everyone was happy. 

No one was worried about anything outside of these walls. It was a nice feeling.

"I do, too," Lexa said, in her blonde hair. "I love you the most."

Clarke's heart did the fluttering thing it always did when Lexa said those three words. The first time Lexa said it was while Clarke bandaged her up after the fight with Roan. 

The day their lives had changed forever. _Just as predicted_.

"I love you," Clarke replied, pressing back against her even more closely.

"I know how much you love weddings," Lexa said. She slid an open ring box on the counter so the ring faced Clarke. "And I know how I feel about you, so... will you marry me, Clarke Griffin?"

Clarke stared down at the ring. It was their mother's ring, she knew, because Lexa had shown it to her before. She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying too much. "Yes," she said.

Lexa took the ring from the box and slipped it on her finger. She finally turned in Lexa's arms, smiled up at her, and wiped Lexa's own tears away.

"Of course, I'll have to use my pseudo on the official wedding certificate," Clarke said with a laugh. 

Lexa kissed her for a long time and pulled away when they were effectively breathless.

"I will love you no matter what your name is," she said. " _I will love you no matter what, my princess_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i write a sequel?


End file.
